You have the benefit of going into it this time with eyes wide open. I already have a list of requests for my W, that will let me know she is into making our R work(if she decides to stay). They are things that I want to help her with and see if she is committed to: counseling, time set aside for each other every week, etc...
I know this is presumptive, but I'm in a much better place now, and I'm not inviting misery back into my life. First off, after reading the library of books that were recommended, I'm now informed enough to be an incredible husband and friend. However, my W is still going through an early MLC with turning 30, and although there are some very positive signs, she still puts my importance in her life behind her family and friends. I know deep down this is a result of shutting down as a WAW, but I'm not sure that I ever ranked high on the list.
That being said, I really, really like your take on starting over, and thinking about it as a brand new relationship. If you can stick with that approach I think you'll do fine. I know that that's sort of how I've been dealing with things, and it prevents alot of what happened in the past from ruining the present.
The day I forgave my W for the A, was one of the best days of my life. Since then (8 weeks), I've never thown it in her face, gotten angry about or even thought about it much.
Forgiveness is right up there with love; both are incredible gifts that we don't tend to give out often enough.
