Later for now....

[NotATLDave]

Hey Folks,

I'm packing up the car and heading to Dallas again. This time with the whole family and dog. My dad, who's in his final stages of his cancer, has asked to suspend treatment and I'm not too optimistic that he will make it beyond the next few weeks.

I might be able to jump on here and scan posts but I will probably not be writing too much. Sorry. Anyway, my W and I are in a holding pattern and I'm going to try to sustain it for a while. I think I pushed the frequency too hard last month and had too many coercive initiations. This month, I'm going to try to be more passive and see if she initiates at some point.

It's almost funny. I can tell her...."I'm initiating with you today (Thursday) because I can no longer wait for you to initiate with me. I didn't want to initiate with you Tues in hopes that you would possibly initiate Wednesday".

I'll see you folks later.

[InherJourney]

Dave,
My thoughts are with you and your family as you face this difficult turn of events. Some things are just more important than sex and marriage.
Best Wishes,
J

[Tim2point0]

Dave, I echo what IHJ said... I know you'll get through it... Take care.

[Scott1701]

Dave,
My thoughts go with you as well at this time of stress. Take care and I hope things go well.

Scott

[honeypot]

Dave,
I will be thinking of you these next few weeks. Peace and love to you and your family.

hp

[Dmsw4]

Dave, God bless you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I went through similar circumstances last summer with my mom. Just be there, that's the only advice I can give. B

[MJontheMend]

GATHER the stars if you wish it so.
Gather the songs and keep them.
Gather the faces of women.
Gather for keeping years and years.

And then …
Loosen your hands, let go and say good-by.
Let the stars and songs go.
Let the faces and years go.
Loosen your hands and say good-by.

Carl Sandburg

[NotATLDave]

Thank you all for the nice posts. It's like Deja Vu. I'm back in Jackson, MS (but with the whole family and dog) taking advantage of the free internet connection. I'll be in Dallas tomorrow afternoon. I'll update if anything important happens but I'm not exactly planning to "work on the marriage"...I'll see if it can work on me.

Thanks again for the kind words.

[NotATLDave]

Folks,

While in the hotel the other night, I couldn't sleep. My head was spinning and a lot of it was about my M. I had a huge moment of clarity, rushed into the bathroom and wrote a note to myself regarding the things I'm feeling right now. Then last night, I made a post which contained this but fell asleep before I hit the final post button and I guess I accidently logged out without posting it. I'll put it up tonight.

The nature of the post is that my W has "stepped up to the plate" to demonstrate a "commitment to the marriage" by increasing the frequency. I listed the "steps" in this regard. Then I listed the "steps" towards real sexual desire and then steps towards desire specifically for me. I'm sorry to tease you with this but I'm on my mom's computer and I need log on later.


Wife just came in. Gotta go. She knows all about this site BTW.

[NotATLDave]

Here's the "paths".... This was a 3 am brain dump, so I apologize if they aren't fully baked, but what it does is give me a the ability to provide specific behaviors and indicators. This will be part of a roadmap which will really test my differentiation.


Commitment
A.1. Committed enough to stay in the marriage
A.2. Committed enough to explore repair options
A.3. Committed enough to reject sex less often
A.4. Committed enough to not reject a minimal amount of sex within an interval
A.5. Committed enough to not reject a spontaneous bid for sex outside of the interval

Desire
B.1. Desire is strong enough to enjoy sex while in progress
B.2. Desire is strong enough to be enthusiastic of an upcoming encounter
B.3. Desire is strong enough to initiate sex occasionally (weekly)
B.4. Desire is strong enough to initiate spontaneously
B.5. Desire is strong enough to overcome personal hangups (time of month, places, etc.)
B.6 Desire is strong enough to initiate above a personal hangup

Advanced Sexual Relationship Building
C.1. Will listen to and attempt to indulge my sexual preferences and requests during LM
C.2. Will provide me with specific requests during LM when I solicit these responses
C.3. Will spontaneously solicit my sexual preferences and requests during LM
C.4. Will spontaneously provide me with specific requests during LM
C.5. Will spontaneously solicit my sexual preferences and requests prior to LM
C.6. Will spontaneously provide me with specific requests prior to LM
C.7 Will commit to reaching sexual potential and collaborate with me prior to and during LM.

The large groups can be worked on somewhat independently. For example, I feel like we are somewhere between A4 and A5, B1 and somewhere between C3 and C4. This tells me that Desire is the next path to focus on and get the level up to at least B4.

I think I'm onto a way of communicating my needs and the indicators that we are indeed achieving them. This will really help when it comes to showing my W specifically the things I want out of the relationship. In essence....this is "The List" that she's wanted for the past 5 months.

I'm about to move this to a new Journal thread.