Quote: Anyway...he did pick me up, he was there on time, he carried my luggage (even though I tried to do it), he took me to get take-out Chinese food, etc. He offered to stop by and get donuts too if I'd like that (I chose not to). He gave me a back massage. He IS thoughtful. But it'd just be nice to get an occasional really romantic gesture. I may be needing to buy my own flowers, etc. occasionally - they do make me feel special.
I think the two of you ought to read Chapman's The Five Love Languages together. He obviously expresses in acts of service. You obviously prefer to receive in words of affirmation (I know you're talking about gifts, but they are all gifts that are WOA - things that aren't necessarily valuable, but that say loudly "I love you and value you" - so i think it's a WOA thing, not a gift thing.)
Do you know what his language to RECEIVE in is? And how you usually EXPRESS? Discuss the book with him - I bet it'll be an eye-opener.
Do you know what his language to RECEIVE in is? And how you usually EXPRESS? Discuss the book with him - I bet it'll be an eye-opener.
Ellie
Ellie -
I thought about that last night, actually, before I fell asleep. He does like to do acts of service - and I really do appreciate them, that is a big thing for me. I don't like getting tons of gifts, and I'd actually think it'd be impractical to get gifts * too * often. But on occasion, I really enjoy it. And I do agree as far as it being words of affirmation - it has come up in the past (I've tried to explain to him that I am not insecure, I just do like to hear how pretty I am on occasion, or if I do something well). It's not something I need to hear constantly, but it's nice on occasion. Last week he told me how pretty I looked and it was a huge deal to me.
As far as him - I'd say that acts of service is what he is closest to (as far as me doing for him), but I'd have to re-read the book to make sure. Thanks for reminding me again.
I did explain to him how much I appreciated him and how very thoughtful he is. But that it was disappointing to me to not have my birthday acknowledged here at all, nor have flowers or anything else. I feel it's best now to just say it and be done with it for the time being. I don't want him to think I'm overly needy - and maybe I'll just need to do things like that for myself in the future.
I was going to walk to the grocery store last night, but it was pouring out (I still don't have a working car). BF said he could go on his way home from work - I kept telling him that if it cleared up, that I'd go.
It didn't clear up in time, and when he got home, it was with flowers, a card, and a sheet cake. He said that it was hard trying to get me to just stay home while he went to the store, I kept fighting it.
The cake is large for just me - he doesn't eat much cake. But it was wonderful of him. I did tell him that he doesn't have to get a whole dozen roses and a large cake, that even a rose (or a few carnations) and a cupcake would have been great. I just don't want him to think he has to do all or nothing.
I did thank him a lot, but later on I thanked him for the bread and spagetti sauce he picked up - and he laughed and said "and the cake and the flowers?" I was like, yeah, but I already thanked you for those!
Then we went out to dinner - he suggested one restaurant, but since we were going to do my birthday dinner this week (and he was in the mood for steak), I suggested the one we'd have gone to this weekend. That way we didn't do two $40 dinners within a couple of days of each other. We are different as far as money in that sense - I don't spend a lot on eating out, I think about nearly every dollar I spend. We'll make a budget with expendable cash for each, so I won't be on him for his purchases or eating out, and I can save some for trips or whatever.
Anyway, I have very beautiful roses only a few feet from me. And I'll be cutting up my cake in at least 20 pieces for the freezer so I don't eat too much at one time.
Oh...I started a registry yesterday, it's really hard to think of things we need. I know that a lot of friends/family want us to have one - but it's really kind of a pain, ya know? I wish the stores would allow more practical items (it'd be cool to get a 48 roll of Charmin or something like that!)
I'm glad to see that he did bring you the flowers...even if you had to hint at him to do it. Better late than not at all, eh?
Rob
I did more than hint, I cried! Just for like 20 seconds, I was expecting SOMETHING for my birthday and he'd just figured since we were doing something this weekend with his family, that nothing else was needed? I don't think he has anything else planned himself, and we did my birthday dinner out already.
I was fine after that, but it'd be nice to get them occasionally. And who knows - maybe I'll just need to buy them for me. We weren't together for Valentines (though we did spend part of the weekend together) - and I bought him a book, and I bought myself a balloon and some flowers. And it made me feel special, even though I bought them.
As far as Charmin - there isn't a lot we need, and I'd love to just stick a bunch of practical stuff on the registry. I think it'd be funny (feminine hygiene products, toilet paper, paper towels, aspirin). It'd be unlike other registries!
Mine was pretty good - mostly hanging out watching tv, shopping, etc. I did get a bit irritated by BF yesterday, he had said that he found it funny how worked up I got over not getting flowers and such on Tuesday. I am not sure what is funny about it, but I just basically said that it was something that was important to me - that it had been my birthday, and I arrived with nothing implying that I had had one. I was hurt - though I bounced back very quickly that evening, within minutes. If I was worked up, I worked down just as fast.
BF is practical - very much so, and not a tremendously romantic person. He may never learn to be very romantic - though he can do romantic things on occasion. Yesterday when we had my birthday at his family's house (a week late, as I was out of town last weekend), I'd wondered if he would do anything else - he didn't, but today he got AAA Plus for the both of us, mostly in case I have any towing needs. He is thoughtful, and it's hard sometimes to do without more romantic stuff (not that I need a lot, I don't), but I really do appreciate the things he does for me like that.
He also is possibly letting me handle the budget and stuff for the household. I am surprised, considering that he has always been independent. It means a lot to me that he'd trust me to do that.
Anyway...I was thinking that...in the past year or so, I've learned to take care of myself in a lot of ways. One of those is treating myself occasionally to something nice - like during Valentines Day, I bought myself a Mylar balloon and some flowers (when they went on discount a couple of days later). I only spent a few dollars, but it made me feel special. Maybe I'll need to continue doing that for myself - I may not be able to count on him for the pretty stuff, not as often as I'd like. I am not terribly needy in that sense, but I do like it occasionally. He is good about wanting to go out to dinner, about anything practical, etc. He also is planning to share everything he has with me - he makes quite a bit more money than I do, so that is a big thing too.
When I first met BF, I mentioned that I'd often bought my own flowers in my marriage, and he thought that was wrong. But it looks like maybe that is the way it will be here, and I've got to deal with it. I know he'd buy me some for Valentines Day and such, but I really like getting little things for no reason.
So...just venting slightly. Things have otherwise been good. Oh...I have been trying to get a carriage ride with him for over a month, since before he gave me the ring. I tried to strongly hint that I would like the ring given to me on the ride, but he didn't get the hint. Instead, he handed the ring box to me a few weeks back (no formal proposal, but he had already asked). I have mentioned the carriage ride a number of times, but I'm tired to having to. I figure I'll treat myself to a less expensive hayride this week, and if he eventually does a carriage ride, that will be very nice.
Just a quick message, I haven't posted in nearly a week I think.
We are getting ready for the hurricane, there are already bands of rain and wind coming through - and the hurricane isn't even that close yet! I was getting frustrated this week that not much was getting done prior to our move - and I told bf that I really needed EVERYTHING gone through before I move. So the hurricane in that sense has actually helped, we've gotten quite a bit done over the past couple of days.
So, hopefully everything will be okay. Hurricane Charley did so much damage, and this could be a lot worse.
Otherwise, everything has been pretty good. I've gained a few pounds back, but my car is working again and I can get to the Y (walking on the flat Florida terrain doesn't do nearly as much as hitting the elliptical or treadmill on an incline).
He said that it was hard trying to get me to just stay home while he went to the store, I kept fighting it. 
