Quote: Hey, I just saw Catwoman tonight - and now I'm thinking, instead of those leather miniskirts, we should shoot for leather pantsuits like Halle Berry's?
I met my ex-H's fiancee today. I thought it would be weird, but it was okay. She is a nice person, and I hope she does make him happy. The best part was that he brought some stuff from the house that I'd not taken - and he found my senior year book from his moms house, I'd not seen it in 20 years - I thought it was lost.
BF kind of irritated me by taking a work shift this evening - but I did see him on Weds and Thurs night, so it's not like I haven't seen him several days this week already. He is going to pick me up after work late tonight also, and we'll spend the rest of the weekend together.
I'm trying to motivate him as far as the when/where of the wedding. I expect I'll be doing most of the work if we have it here, and even if it's casual, there are still things to think about - lots of them. So the sooner I know, the better. BF and I are very different in this way - I like to do things a little at a time, like getting packed and cleaned prior to moving. I've done more than him, and I have a lot less stuff. Or like saving money, etc. He's much more impulsive/last minute.
Quote: Hi - Hope the weekend was good. I'm curious
Quote: BF kind of irritated me by taking a work shift this evening
JUst wondering why this was a source of irritation...
Normally we spend weekends together and I don't always see him during the week. This past week was different, we did have a couple of other evenings together. But normally, his taking the shift would knock off a day of only 2 that we usually spend together. If he had taken a shift for Saturday morning, it would have been fine - but it was at night (until nearly midnight). He did pick me up afterwards, and we did spend Sunday together.
Sunday was fine - though I'm getting a bit frustrated on a couple of things. There was something I'd really wanted BF to do as a proposal - and I let him know it ahead of time (more than a hint, anyway). After he just handed me the box, I told him I still wanted to do this particular activity. It's something that needs to be reserved ahead of time. So we were talking about doing it this past weekend, but he didn't call them to reserve it. That ended up being best anyway, his sister and her BF needed help moving. I was glad to do that. BF said we could do the activity next weekend - but I just have this feeling that he won't reserve it far enough ahead of time. It just kind of pisses me off, that he can't take 2 minutes and call them to do this. I also have wanted flowers, but I haven't seen those either. I don't ask for a lot - honestly, but flowers a couple of times a year (especially when we just got engaged) would be nice.
Sorry to be venting. I won't bring up the activity anymore to him. I think that is best, if he remembers, that will be wonderful. Also, I went to ex-OW website yesterday to see when she was supposed to get married (in a couple of weeks). She still has her journal up with a bit of information about what they did. In fact, it almost looks like it was added onto - I don't remember as many details as what she wrote. Another source of frustration - he went for 11 days to Europe, but in 3 years, he wouldn't go on trips with me. He did meet me in CA for a few days in early 2000, and we stayed at hotels locally a number of times (including back in January). But I did take a bunch of trips myself that he never joined me on. He knows that it is important to me, but I don't know how motivated he'll be to go anywhere. There is one place he keeps talking about - so hopefully we can do that.
Anyway - this is a venting day. BF has done a lot of wonderful things for me, so I can't completely complain. He did get me the ring also, he didn't drag his feet on that. I have a wonderful time with him. But there are things I really get frustrated with (and I know that it would be with ANY R).
Oh...one other thing. My ex-H found my high school yearbook (my graduating one), I thought it was lost forever. There were a couple of entries I didn't remember - one, a guy who said that I was always nice to him and also said I was cute too. Another, a guy I was friends with who said to "stay voluptious". It really made my Saturday - it's weird how words written when I was 17 can still make me feel good now.
That somehow morphed into a conversation with BF - he has NO problem saying how hot other women are. Most of the time celebrities, other times about women he works with and such. However, he still doesn't give me that many compliments. I said that I liked to hear how nice I looked, etc. He said that I was being insecure. I said, no, I * know * that I look good now. I can still lose more weight, but I know that I'm pretty and attractive. I don't * need * him to tell me it, but I do want that occasionally. Just like flowers - I don't * need * flowers. I know they are impractical and die quickly. But I do want them occasionally.
Mostly compliments come at times we are being more intimate - and I do get them anytime we are. But it'd be nice to hear things other than just at that time.
The one good thing about this weekend - when we helped with the move, I was the only one who was bounding up and down the stairs quickly and without stopping for long. His family was saying how fit I was, and BF asked me afterwards how long it took me from being very unfit to being able to not be winded and such. I just told him that I still can get winded, I up my exercise at the gym so I DO get tired a bit. But I told him that it didn't take long for me to be able to really start feeling good when I exercised - and my fitness level went up significantly at the beginning.
So while that wasn't a compliment, it felt like one. I hope he starts exercising with me (even just walks in the evening).
We also talked about weddings. It's really hard - to have a small one, a large one, or just us. I need to know soon so I can take care of whatever we are having.
Anyway - chatty today. I do love BF. I know that in any relationship, there will be things that are problems and irritations. I also know that the next few months can be highly stressful - moving, hopefully getting married, etc. etc. I need to let him do things his way, and I do things my way as much as possible.
Hey, that would be great if he started exercising with you Look at what a great example you are setting
As for the wedding - do you have any friends or family with a nice back yard? (Or does your new apartment complex have a community room?) I think, with BF's history of wishy-washiness, that getting married and making that commitment in front of friends and family is really important.
I've been to plenty of very nice backyard weddings, and it can be done very inexpensively. Once I even went to a potluck wedding reception - sounds strange, but it was great! They just divided the alphabet, and asked people to bring salads or bread depending on where they were in the alphabet. They had someone grilling fish to go with it. As a guest, I was happy to put out a little extra effort - that's the only time I ever made a carved watermelon basket for my fruit salad
H and I had our wedding reception under a rented tent on a ball field next to FIL's summer house (rains in Syracuse in the summer). We ordered big trays of lasagne from a local restaurant and had a big sheet carrot cake from a local bakery with a gingerbread cookie bride and groom on top. It would be easy to make trays of lasagne yourself and freeze them ahead of time - all you need is a helper to cook andserve - or just get some nice trays of deli meats and rolls from Costco. It's just a big party, after all, and thereare lots of creative ideas out there
As for the wedding - do you have any friends or family with a nice back yard? (Or does your new apartment complex have a community room?) I think, with BF's history of wishy-washiness, that getting married and making that commitment in front of friends and family is really important.
Hi Ellie!
There were a couple of ideas we've thought about - one of them that I thought of yesterday was to find a place (maybe a park) for the wedding, and have a small reception at the new apartment complex community room (or whatever they call it). The room is small, about 50 maybe could fit inside - so enough for immediate family and a handful of friends. Maybe we could even do the wedding there.
Another option, another family member lives on the beach. She has a small backyard, maybe 100 or more though could be there if standing in the backyard. I don't know exactly how many - but I'd expect the vows wouldn't take long at all (no candle lighting, no music, etc.). There is a church across the street that has a reception hall that can fit 150 or more, and they have tables and such. So if we want a larger wedding, we can do that.
I'd expect to go to Costco and Sams to get cheese cubes and other finger food items. Then...if it is a larger wedding, we'd probably go out and get barbecue food or something catered. If it is smaller, I think it'd be nice to maybe do actual barbecuing - or get pizza and other items, lasagne sounds good (I do a great lasagne, and with 50 people, I'd only need to make 3 or 4 large platters of it). With a smaller group, it's a lot easier.
We were talking about even having wedding cupcakes, and having them on platforms (like a cake normally is). Then I could also get a small cake, and a few other desserts.
With a smaller wedding, it'd be nice and intimate - not that 50 is tiny, it's still work. But it'd be a good hanging-out type crowd. With 100-150, they'd all be expecting maybe more of the typical wedding stuff.
Oh - and a relative of BF's does wedding flowers and such, someone mentioned that. I'd expect she'd charge a fair bit, I personally thought I could just go to Sams or Costco, and get a couple of dozen roses ($12.99) and put them in little vases. That would be a lot less expensive. I could get some flowers there for me too. I love simplicity, and I did the big wedding 20 years ago (well, it wasn't THAT big - but it was a church wedding and such, though we did have a park reception). We had about 80 people, around 60 didn't show up. I'm thinking that if we invite a lot of co-workers and such, they may not show up even if they say so - while family members WILL be there.
So that is where I am as far as thinking. I think the smaller party would be better in some ways, and maybe then invite more casual friends over to a housewarming/holiday party a couple of weeks later.
I don't expect BF to get heavily involved in details. Mostly, I just need him and his family to nail something down (he and his mom, mostly). If we have a wedding in front of everyone, then mostly it will be his family - so that is important to me to get that input. But I refuse to do a fancy wedding - especially as BF does not want one. It isn't worth the stress. I found that dress a month or so back that I loved, with the white on top and black on bottom - his mom said maybe I should look for a white dress (no, I don't plan to). Once I start being formal in one way, it is a slippery slope to fancy in others. I want everyone to be able to come in jeans or whatever they are comfortable in. I don't need BF in a tux, he can wear whatever as well (I'd probably prefer him to wear jeans/slacks and a nice sweater). But he can do what he wants.
Anyway - so you can see, I've been thinking a lot. Thank you for more things to think about. I'm still a bit concerned if he decides he doesn't really want to travel anywhere with me. I have told him this is important, and it REALLY can upset me that he did go with ex-OW and they were talking about going other places. Grrrr. We don't plan a honeymoon per se, his friend is getting married around the time we are thinking about it in Mexico - if we don't go, I'm going to try to get BF to go visit the area they live in (in CA) and have a nice trip with maybe Vegas. So, we'll see.
BF and I signed the lease for the new apt. today - we are planning to move in around the middle of next month. We were laying around a bit, and I did bring up something that had really been bothering me all week. I really try not to bring up feelings and such too much of things that happened last year - because he has apologized and it doesn't seem fair to do so. But what was really on my mind this past week was how when I'd first asked him not to tell ex-OW about us, he did anyway. And he (for some reason) thought she didn't have a big mouth - but she did. So my personal life was also passed on to others that she was friends with in our group.
I told him I can't have that again. I don't want him discussing our R with anyone #1 who will benefit from us being split up. Or #2 anyone that he is attracted to. The one thing I did right during the end of my marriage was that I didn't discuss my marriage problems with any guys online (or in person) who I found attractive. I screwed up on a lot of things, but that was one that I was really adamant about.
It actually turned into like a 20 minute discussion (which it never was meant to). He brought something up, and then I had questions, etc. I need to cut the questions out though, I think that I know more than I ever wanted to - and it's time to really move forward. I did tell him I'd looked at her website to see when she was getting married - and that I'd noticed stuff that I hadn't seen before (like that essentially their trip was a dream vacation). He did say they fought during it, that she was bi!chy and particular. I don't understand what the attraction was then, and why they'd have filled anything out for her to come here. I don't think he really knows now either. He did give me a number of instances when she'd been b!tchy about something, and I just know that he hates stuff like that. Why he let her do it and still wanted to be around her is beyond me.
I do get really angry still sometimes. I know that the best revenge is just being happy and moving on. I think that ex-OW will be pissed at some point because she won't have him to fall back on. I said that to BF and he said it wasn't his problem anymore.
I think this was the first talk in like 6 weeks like this, so I'm doing good at not bringing things up. I did say that I wanted to go to England and France and such, to make it ours - and he seemed good with that idea and even had suggestions on where to go (and what I'd enjoy). I just hope it's pretty soon.
So...I think that is about it. I did two volunteer shifts this week, and have been working out a lot. I think moving also will be great for us - just a very fresh start. New surroundings, new friends, new everything. We are on the lease together, not me being just someone who moves in. The group online that we are part of, he isn't as interested in it anymore. So we'll gravitate a bit away from that and towards other things.
I found a kitten a few days ago, that has been occupying some of my time too. It is cute, I haven't found signs up anywhere looking for it. It was outside meowing, I called BF and asked what I should do. He said that I should bring it in (which is what I thought, I didn't want to have it hit by a car or anything) and we'll keep it if noone claims it.
Oh - one good thing about the conversation this morning. I'd always assumed that some money bf had asked from me (if he could borrow) in January 2003 went towards ex-OW's hotel bill for 2 days (since I didn't get out of the apt. quick enough, I didn't know she was coming for a visit until a week prior).
He said that whatever money I lent him went to rent or car, that he never paid for ex-OW's hotel bill, even though she thought he should pay for at least part of it (and it was something that irritated her). He did a LOT for her, saved her hundreds or more on a trip - so I don't know why that would irritate her.
I am very glad to know that I didn't help fund her trip. I wish I'd not cleaned for her arrival, but I learned a lesson that way. Lesson? Don't humiliate myself, I'm worth more than that.
My weekend with BF was really nice, I am glad that we had that short talk last week - it helped me a lot.
I had a tough day yesterday and he came through in a nice way. I had a couple of things happen in the morning that were difficult, and then I was heading about 90 minutes away for a doctors appt. (I only see her once a year or so, and I like her - so I've made the drive to go there). At around 70 miles, traffic slowed (I found out there'd been an accident ahead). After about a half hour, I started calling BF to ask if he could get me her phone number to let her know I'd likely be late. As I was leaving him a voice mail, I notice steam coming out of the front of the car. I got out, and brown liquid started flowing out.
So the short story is, I ended up getting towed back after spending a couple of hours waiting for the tow truck while on the interstate.
BF was great - giving me advice, sending me a nice text message, and later - even though he'd had a very long day at work (he didn't get off until 9ish), he came and picked me up for dinner and took me back to his apt. Then he drove me back here this morning.
He'll be looking at the car - but the tow truck guy started it yesterday (it did start), but it quickly shut down.
I am really grateful for having him in my life, he really is a great guy most of the time. He isn't the most romantic - probably not even close. But he is thoughtful, and helpful, and those are incredibly important to me.
Oh - and we have been back together 2 months as of yesterday. I told BF that and he wasn't terribly excitable about it, mostly just said he didn't know what day we got back together and such. It kind of bugged me that he didn't acknowledge it more when I said that, but hey - he was REALLY terrific all weekend. And he's good with birthdays, and I think he'll be good with the anniversary too when we actually marry.
