Yes, I think that dropping the rope so to speak helped a lot. I don't smother him anymore - that is really important. Even yesterday morning - I'd stayed over, and I found out he was planning to stay home from work. If I'd stuck around, he'd probably have wanted to watch TV, etc. with me. But I had errands and such to do, so I left early - I said goobye while he was still sleeping. Then I got my stuff done, and came back to my apt.
In the past, I'd have thought "oh, he's home - I need to be here". But I didn't.
I also just look a heck of a lot healthier than I did a couple of years ago - I've lost over 50 pounds, I smile more, I just have become a lot stronger of a person (as BF has said). At some point, he noticed. And maybe that phone call I made to him in March after his email let him off the hook. I said I didn't expect anything, and I didn't. I'd been ready for quite some time to accept what happened and move on completely if I needed to. Maybe he sensed that - because right after that, we started spending a lot more time together (which is what the whole email/phone call had been about anyway).
There was one incident - a week or two before he said ILY. I got a call from a guy who was doing something VERY nice for me. I was at BF's at the time - and BF was very close to me during the phone call. I mean, I'd go out of the room, or give personal space. He was within 4 or 5 feet the whole time. He asked me afterwards if I thought the guy liked me. I said I had no idea, but I didn't think so.
Anyway, that was an interesting exchange to me. And on Memorial Day weekend, before I left his apt., he asked me for a hug. That was VERY unusual, so it was like things had been changing and he was definitely thinking about us in May.
I'm rambling. I DO need to have my own life too, my own interests. I need to keep healthy, fill my life with meaningful things. That way if he ever changes his mind again - or if he just isn't giving me the attention I'd want, I won't be crippled emotionally. Not like I was last year - never again!!!
