BF gave me a ring last night. It wasn't quite as I had hoped - I was trying to steer him towards something either fun or romantic. Instead, he said "I picked up something for you today" and tried handing me the box. I said that he'd need to be the one to open the box.
He did, and I put out my finger - after it was on, I was like "well, aren't you going to ask me"? He was like "I thought I already did"? I said that he didn't today. So he asked, I said okay, and that was it. I did say that I had been trying to sway him towards a certain place to propose - and we ended up laughing. He is too practical sometimes.
I had hoped for at least flowers or something with the ring - but it was just the ring. We then went to dinner with his family, where I showed off my ring (they were excited), and they had us calling other family members to tell them. So now most of his extended family knows.
We were talking about how to get married last night - and I wanted something very casual if we were to do it with friends and family around. But it sounds like it could get out of hand very easily. I wouldn't care how many people were there, I just don't want a fancy wedding - I was thinking the beach, but if we had like 150 people there, it'd not be feasible. It almost sounds like getting married privately and then having a reception for family/friends would be easier. A reception/party can be thrown together quickly - I just want a VERY simple wedding.
In some ways I'm nervous - back in March, he said he definitely wasn't wanting a R with me. Then in June, he changed his mind. I can't go through more mind-changing!
His mom said that maybe we could wait a year and prepare for a wedding, I said no. I am not living together another year without a real committment. An engagement ring is great, but it isn't the real deal. And there is NO way I'm doing a year of planning for a wedding. I want something I can do in a couple of months or less (October/November). By then also, we'll have been back together for 4 or 5 months - enough time for BF to make sure he's ready.
I don't think that we'll do Vegas for a wedding. It will either be here, or maybe the mountains. But who knows? I really don't care that much as long as it isn't fancy and overboard!
Hey dfb!!!!!this is so great! congratulations! I'm so happy for you. I never said I told you so (I don't think!) but from the 1st posts of yours that I tuned into (last spring?) I just had this feeling you two were going to make it.
Thanks Deb. I'd really gotten to the point where I didn't expect anything permanent to happen - and was finally considering dating other people - when he said ILY again. It's a bit scary to me how 4 months ago he was totally not wanting a R, and said so. He loved me, not in love with me. I don't want him to turn the other way again.
The funny thing is - after he sent me that email in March, I called him - we had a talk, and I said that I didn't expect anything permanent from our ML and such. I told him I was having a great time with him, and that other things (like his calling every day) were much more bonding to me in a permanent R type way. He didn't stop calling, and it is almost like that day was a turning point. Within a week or two, we started spending a lot more time together.
We had a really nice time tonight with friends of my family - a great dinner out (they treated), good conversation, a fun time. Plus I took a couple of pictures of the other couple, and they did the same for us. I don't have tons of pics of BF and I, so I want to make sure to start doing that (and I'm thinner, and look good in the shots now).
I am trying for another 25 pounds by Halloween.
BF and I are supposed to sign an apartment lease this weekend, to move in near the end of Sept.
I guess that is it. Things have been going good, and hopefully they'll stay that way! Of course, this is when the real work is - trust, and the relationship, and all of that crap.
I haven't written in your thread forever again, but I have been reading it.
I am so glad to hear everything is going so well.
Is it possible that once you really truly "let it go", he had a chance to make a clear decision on his own and he chose you freely?
That's the way it feels to me. I'm sure there is always a definite turning point in a R to turn it around, and I feel you know that moment to be it.
I feel the trick is to maintain a certain amount of that "letting it go" feeling throughout in the R to keep the relationship healthy and strong, even in the midst of real intense times in the R. We all need to feel that we are with the person we are with not because of some obligation or pressure, but because we simply want to.
Yes, I think that dropping the rope so to speak helped a lot. I don't smother him anymore - that is really important. Even yesterday morning - I'd stayed over, and I found out he was planning to stay home from work. If I'd stuck around, he'd probably have wanted to watch TV, etc. with me. But I had errands and such to do, so I left early - I said goobye while he was still sleeping. Then I got my stuff done, and came back to my apt.
In the past, I'd have thought "oh, he's home - I need to be here". But I didn't.
I also just look a heck of a lot healthier than I did a couple of years ago - I've lost over 50 pounds, I smile more, I just have become a lot stronger of a person (as BF has said). At some point, he noticed. And maybe that phone call I made to him in March after his email let him off the hook. I said I didn't expect anything, and I didn't. I'd been ready for quite some time to accept what happened and move on completely if I needed to. Maybe he sensed that - because right after that, we started spending a lot more time together (which is what the whole email/phone call had been about anyway).
There was one incident - a week or two before he said ILY. I got a call from a guy who was doing something VERY nice for me. I was at BF's at the time - and BF was very close to me during the phone call. I mean, I'd go out of the room, or give personal space. He was within 4 or 5 feet the whole time. He asked me afterwards if I thought the guy liked me. I said I had no idea, but I didn't think so.
Anyway, that was an interesting exchange to me. And on Memorial Day weekend, before I left his apt., he asked me for a hug. That was VERY unusual, so it was like things had been changing and he was definitely thinking about us in May.
I'm rambling. I DO need to have my own life too, my own interests. I need to keep healthy, fill my life with meaningful things. That way if he ever changes his mind again - or if he just isn't giving me the attention I'd want, I won't be crippled emotionally. Not like I was last year - never again!!!
Hey, I just saw Catwoman tonight - and now I'm thinking, instead of those leather miniskirts, we should shoot for leather pantsuits like Halle Berry's?
I said that he'd need to be the one to open the box.