I just went out with my friend walking tonight...it was interesting, I hadn't heard at all from BF on IM or anything all day. I found out later that he was home the entire day - which irritated me slightly, that he waited until 6:30 or so to call. I'd sent him a text letting him know I'd be out, which he didn't get it seems. So within about a 2 1/2 hour span of time from 6:30, I receive 3 phone calls and a text (I had the phone on silent). He was growing worried a bit (and the last call was only at just after 9pm!)
Anyway, it was nice that he was thinking of me - but if I did 3 calls and a text within two hours to him, he'd be like WTF?
I did have a good walk. And I always love getting texts from BF.
This is the third time or so in the past week I started writing a post for here, I think this time I'll actually post it. I wrote a long one Sunday and thought maybe it was TMA....I've long tried not to overload on details that were personal to BF and I, and I want to continue that.
I had a wonderful time for most of the weekend - BF is cleaning the apt., not as quick as I would like - but it's getting better. I wish he'd throw out some bills and such soon. He has one out that was the first phone bill I saw that verified what I believed about him talking a lot with ex-OW again. It is almost 2 years old. He said he's throwing all the bills out...I wish I could do it for him, but I know he has to be the one to do it.
BF and I are looking at and talking about rings. So exactly 6 weeks after he told me he loved me again, everything is moving along.
I had a volunteer shift tonight - it was wonderful, I am bringing my camera now to take pictures with the kids I work with each week. I'll have a push-pin board when I move with BF to put the pics up. Another plus: I don't feel the need to see BF mid-week anymore. Not that I'd not love to see him, but I have something meaningful that splits my week up. I usually leave BF's apt. Monday morning - then volunteering is Weds night, and I usually see BF on Saturday again. It really gives me a boost.
I gained a few pounds in the past couple of weeks, so I'm working on getting back to strength training and extra cardio. This past weekend when staying with BF, I did go out for an hour walk so I'd catch up on the extra calories I'd had.
One thing I've really learned to do as well is to say how I feel (when necessary) and not sulk about it. Two things from the weekend - one, BF has friends who went to an adult club that allows touching. I told him that I'd consider that cheating. We had a short discussion about it - but instead of being insecure, I let him know that it'd really not be okay with me. Looking is one thing, body contact is another.
One other time - we were playing pool, and I had gotten the 8 ball in (one of the few shots I actually made ). I was excited and BF didn't say anything...he was on my team. I was like "how about maybe a "way to go"? (I said this with humor). He repeated it, but just like parroting it. I was sulking for a couple of minutes, but then went up to him and said I was disappointed he'd not said anything at all - it's like hitting a home run and nobody is waiting for you at the plate. Anyway...I know it's a tiny, tiny thing - but just letting him know how I felt helped. I didn't need an apology - there wasn't anything to apologize for (he said he was so used to playing that he didn't think of any shots as a big deal, which I understand).
And then I didn't sulk, pout, or ignore him.
Anyway...I'm just learning to say how I feel to nip any poutiness in the bud. My feelings aren't as sensitive as a lot of women, but I have my moments.
BF has bought a ring, it's on order and should be here this week sometime. I was hoping he'd surprise me * with * it, but since he didn't, I did let him know what I might like as far as his giving it to me. If he has other ideas, that is great - but I really didn't want him just pulling it out of a bag while were sitting on the couch either.
We had a wonderful, fun weekend - I think think a lot about the trust issue and it's just something we have to discuss a bit more. I don't want him ever to confide anything in someone he might be remotely attracted to. I know that when I was married and going through counseling, the one thing I did hold firm to was not discussing the counseling and such with most guys I knew (unless they were just friends and there was no way I'd ever be attracted to them). Nor did I discuss marriage problems with anyone like that.
So...hopefully within a week or so I'll have a ring on my finger. I still would have NO idea what type of wedding to have. I think since ex-b hasn't married, and it's his family mostly that would be at any wedding, that I'll let him ultimately decide (I have different choices that would be okay, and I'd let him know what they are).
Even if we had a casual wedding-reception, it'd be like - do we just invite family? Family and close friends? Family/close friends/acquaintances?
dbf, Congrats on your sitch. I am so happy for you. It feels so good to see someone save their R. Keep up the good work.
The only thing I would suggest is not to rush into the marriage since you still have trust issues. Make sure you have worked them out first. I'm sure you will and everything will be fantastic.
Quote: dbf, Congrats on your sitch. I am so happy for you. It feels so good to see someone save their R. Keep up the good work.
Thank you.
As far as the trust issue - I don't know if I'd ever NOT have it with someone. I look at the R's here, and my former marriage - and nothing is certain. There are marriages here that have lasted 25 solid years and then it nosedives - whether from a MLC, or a depression, etc.
Trust has to be earned as well. I do my best to trust him, and to let him know what I expect. He knows that I felt deeply betrayed. He knows I still have moments of anger. I sometimes do dwell on what I should have done last year - and if something happens with us again, I'll be just fine. I won't allow myself to be as vulnerable financially and emotionally as last year. There are things that I know he'll do that I won't necessarily like. If he did cheat on me, I might not hang out as long as I have this time. I deserve a man who'll be honest, open and faithful to me.
A wedding wouldn't be for at least several months. We will have been back together two months as of the end of next week or so. I think that will be enough time. That doesn't include that we've spent a lot of time together this year, and really the second half of last year as well.
dfb- talking about wedding rings - my H had a funny encounter with a bridezilla this weekend. We were at a business conference and a woman business aquaintance was telling him breathlessly about her recent engagement. She waspretty clueless- H was trying to tell her about the five love languages, and all she could say was that her fiance finally had learned to speak hers. My H repeatedly asked her what HIS love languages were, but all she could say was that he'd finally been trained to speak hers - like all that mattered was HER needs, not his!
Anyway, she didn't have her ring yet, because the one she'd picked out had to be special ordered. My H commented to me afterwards how weird he thought that was, that you wouldn't trust the person you were going to marry to know you well enough to pick out an engagement ring you would like. Unfortunately, I didn't hold my tongue and reminded him he never even GAVE me an engagement ring!
(Okay, we were poor students, and I never wanted a diamond anyway - they get in my way - but it definitely was a reflection of his conflicted feelings at the time.)
BF had asked what kind of ring I wanted, and I gave him an idea of what I liked - but I wanted it to ultimately be him buying it. I keep debating what I should post about the ring - but I'll send it to you in email. Suffice to say, the ring will be pretty but not pricey - and I'm proud of that! I can't believe that people spend thousands on rings - I'd rather use all that money on something fun (like a trip).
Has your husband still never bought a ring?
And that reminds me - I should re-read the 5 love languages. It's been like a year since I've read it, and I need some brushing up!
And I always love getting texts from BF.