I spent part of the weekend (from Sat night until this morning) with BF. We had a talk yesterday, actually late last night. There were a couple of things I wanted to say, and I figured my being exhausted to the brink of sleep would be disarming and I could say what I needed to and fall asleep.

It actually ended up being an hour or so discussion, which wasn't what I planned on.

I needed him to realize I was serious about two things. First, I was a couple of weeks away from living in my car last year. I don't have resources if this falls through once I tell my roommate I'm moving out. I mean, if I can find a roommate quick, great. But it took me over two months last year for the first situation I was in, and a month or so for finding this one. I don't have the money to even hold me more than a week or two in a cheap hotel.

Second, he hasn't been doing too much work around the apt. cleaning it out yet. It is VERY, VERY important to me that he throws out as much as he can...including (as I told him) phone bills from last year if possible. He said that was fine, he'd already been planning to throw out last years bills. Not only to throw things out, but to corral any of the crap, souvenirs, etc. that he's keeping into one place. This needs to be our apt., not his apt. with suprises around every corner.

I need a completely fresh start, as much as possible anyway. I told him I knew he was keeping some things - that I really wished he wasn't keeping pics with them, but I can't make him get rid of photos. He said that he didn't have lots of pics with both of them, that he really spent a lot of time taking pictures of the places they went to. I also told him that I still get angry some, he's okay with that. He doesn't see the anger, there isn't a reason for me to be taking things out on him. He HAS apologized numerous times.

We talked about ex-OW some - I called her a lot of names, but not emotionally. It was more in a joking way. The one good thing to me...they downloaded the paperwork that he was filling out (probably while he was overseas), so it wasn't a premeditated thing. I asked him again if he proposed, he said no. I told him that there were a number of people that ex-OW talks to, and that I wanted to hear anything that was important from him and not possibly hear it elsewhere (including if she got upset for any reason). He didn't change his story.

We talked about their R, I won't go into details too much, but it really doesn't sound like much happened with them physically. I didn't ask how far they went, but I imagine that is why he seemed to really believe that nothing much happened with any of the other guys in the group. She didn't sound like she was as interested in BF physically as she was with other guys I know. I think it was more of a control thing, feeling like she was taking him from me.

He had told me that she got upset when he was peeling from a sunburn (we'd gone to an event before he went overseas). It seemed a weird thing to get upset/irritated about, and I was just like "what did you see in her"? He then listed a few things...he said she was very intelligent, for one. The weird thing is, I've never seen anything she's written or said as being anything but juvenile sounding. She acts childish socially, with love being this romantic notion - like a fantasy.

I did cry a little bit, just when the conversation first started. BF knew and commented that the tears were from my exhaustion. They stopped within a few minutes, I just am a bit anxious...my stomach is bothering me, my heart was pounding for a while last night after our talk. I do believe once we are moved elsewhere, a place that is ours - it will be MUCH easier.

Anyway...it was a fun weekend otherwise, I didn't go there until Saturday night so he did have a lot of Saturday free for himself. Mostly we hung out and watched TV, ML.

Oh...and he also said last night that he'd been thinking about us for a while before he said anything, that he was thinking about what he'd want in 20 years and such. He used the word "incompatible" for us again, but said that he'd be incompatible with anyone. The weird thing is - I'd call us highly compatible. Even moreso now, but as far as a sense of humor, things we believe, things we like to do - we are very well matched. Remember last year I also went on Match.com looking for friends, and he was my #2 match. I brought up that incident, he said he'd thought it was funny. I did ask him why he was on Match.com if he was so interested in OW...(he was keeping his options open, it seems).

I guess that is it. The apt. date that we were going to move in was just changed, it looks like it will be mid-September as opposed to the middle of August. I know it will come soon enough, but I just want to get this tied up.

We actually did a lot of normal talking too. That is one of my very favorite things, just laying around and spending time getting to know each other better.