I'm back from being out of town, and I stayed at BF's for a couple of nights.
The 3 nights I was out of town ended up being a disaster - mostly. I went for my stepsisters wedding. It started out with a family member dying (two days before the wedding) and then another relative going pretty much mental at the wedding...driving off some family members, then disrupting the wedding. It was awful, awful...there were lots of tears that night.
It put a lot into perspective for me too. I have been struggling with the fact that BF hasn't quite been 100% truthful as far as OW. I mean, it doesn't mean that he wasn't honest, just not to the extent that I want him to be. That does bother me. But I really wish he was at the wedding with me, because he's been a huge support system for the past year or so and I do understand that now.
He also going out to shoot pool one evening I was away - but his friends called him from an adult mens club. So he went there. Honestly, in a perfect world, he'd never look at anyone but me. But it really meant a lot to me that he told me where he was. He could have just said he was shooting pool (like the other guys told their spouses/girlfriends), but he was honest. I told him how much I appreciated that.
He also has been throwing away things at the apartment since we plan to move - I saw some of ex-OW's stuff in the throw-out container.
We went looking at rings a little yesterday - partly for sizing. We also were talking about money - he makes a lot more than me, but he was saying how his money would be our money. I wasn't sure he'd feel that way. He sounded like he'd thought about it a lot...we talked about having a budget, and some really practical stuff that I was surprised he thought about.
Most of the ex-OW stuff will be thrown out. I just am wondering now - should I completely drop any talk of ex-OW and the stuff that we briefly talked about last week? He will know that if anything starts up with her again, that there isn't another chance. Ever. I won't go through it again. He is throwing some of her stuff out, I know he'll keep trip souvenirs and photos (mostly digital). I'll deal with that. We threw out her mug and glass that had been here even through the time I lived with him. That was a big step.
Anyway - do I just try to start completely fresh? Or do I address what is bothering me? I think if I do it, it will be non-emotional as much as possible - quick and to the point. I just want to pick my issues wisely, some things do need to be talked about.
One other issue - BF never really travelled much with me, just once for a few days. Then last year, he spent a ton of time with ex-OW while here, then went to Europe (he wouldn't go with me the previous year), and talked about travelling elsewhere. I LOVE to travel. This is a big thing for me. I can do some myself, but I told him this morning that I'd love if he took a week of his vacation time (he should be getting 3 weeks a year of sick/vacaiton time) for us to do things, and maybe a couple of weekend getaways a year. This is very important to me. I didn't say "if you can do it for her, you can do it for me" - but damn it, this is how I feel.
So anyway, I'm back. Hopefully I'll get a real proposal soon. But if anyone has any advice for me on how to handle this, I'd appreciate it. I know that he was not married to be and entitled to break up and date anyone he wanted. But this was such a deep betrayal for me in the way it happened. I deal with it okay most of the time, but I felt angry for so long - and now I have to trust him again.
