Hey dfb - So glad things are looking better all the time. I wonder if some of these positives are as a result of the new you being able to see them as positives?
Quote: Hey dfb - So glad things are looking better all the time. I wonder if some of these positives are as a result of the new you being able to see them as positives?
Well, a year ago stuff like the bullets - I may have been a bit more disappointed that they weren't flowers. He really is more practical as far as gifts - though he bought me the concert t-shirts and CD's, and he buys video games he knows I like. That is really thoughtful and I get so much use out of all of them. One flower would really be nice, though...:)
He wasn't on IM last night (while I was on, anyway) - but he sent me a text message at nearly 1am telling me "goodnight and I love you!" It really made my day.
Last night we were having problems with the cell connection, and he said "well, if you move with me to xx (an hour away from here, he plans to move there in 2-3 months), then that won't be a problem". So while the big M word hasn't come up in the past week, the M for moving with him has.
I'm glad to have another chance with him. And if it doesn't work out, I'll know that we did try. But I'm having a GREAT time with him. I am also not being needy - that is VERY, VERY important.
Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful weekend too!
Ex-b just IM'd be a bit ago - he found an apartment near work today! He plans for * us * to move there at the end of August. He is a bit impulsive on stuff like this, it's a bit more than I thought he or we would spend (about what he's paying now for his apt.) - but it's walking distance for him to work. So that is a *huge* amount saved on gas and such. It would save me gas money as well.
I'm supposed to fill out an application this weekend. I'm shocked, I had no idea he'd find something so quickly. But it sounds like it will be really nice - he said he could walk home for lunch sometimes.
So...it's moving along anyway, but I'm glad that we would have two months prior to moving in - to make absolutely sure he wants to be with me!
There was a special on the apt. that I guess was set to expire, he said otherwise he'd have consulted me. And he has 3 days to back out as well.
Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I got in a good workout today too - I ate so much last week, and even though I'd walked a lot, it wasn't quite enough to help me lose weight. I'd like to lose at least a few pounds this month!
Ex-b and I talked last night about the apt. he has on hold. Even though he jumped on it quickly, I think he made a great decision for him (and it would be good for me too, very little driving anywhere). He will be showing me floorplans today and giving me the application to fill out. He kept trying to explain to me why he took it, and I told him that I was like "uh-oh"! at first, but as I thought about it, it seemed like it'd be perfect. Gas between the two of us might run up to $500 a month right now (mostly his), and we'd barely be driving at all. Plus it will have a nice fitness center, a theater within walking distance, grocery shopping within walking distance, etc. I can't complain.
I hope that he's really thought us through. He has spent a lot of time in the past year or so with me, so it's not like he hasn't had the time to do so!
He'd called me last night to let me know he was going out for drinks with co-workers...that is something that would have made me nervous before, but I need to relax. No more smothering!
We are spending a lot of the weekend together, I'm looking forward to it. Just trying to get a little work done in the meantime!
Rob - thanks, I know people are reading my threads but I've had a number of them tell me that I'm doing fine on my own and they had nothing to offer to me. So I guess that is a good thing!
I will now start saying BF instead of ex-b. That is going to take some getting used to. This weekend was really nice - we went shooting, watched TV, he brought me down to where he works (he needed to get some work done), and showed me where the apt. we plan to live in is (only a 5 or less minute walk from his work). We also filled out applications. While he was working, I walked to the movie theater and saw Dodgeball (very politically incorrect, but funny!) If we were approved for the apt. and lived there, I'd be very happy with the choice.
We did talk about ex-OW....a fairly long one. He gave me a couple of items of hers that were in the kitchen cupboard (a mug and a glass) to throw out. I don't want to get too much into anything here - but he's been pretty consistant that nothing much happened with ex-OW (as far as ML, etc.) and I believe him. I had told him if he had any pics that were revealing, that I'd appreciate if he deleted them. He said that their R just didn't turn out in that way, she wasn't like me in that regard at all. A few weeks ago he called their R (in that way) "weird". I guess it was more emotional and affectionate than really physical. I am guessing she wanted to live here and such, but wasn't wanting him per se'. That is what I felt all along, though.
So....we are still talking M. I have no idea yet where or when, but I am pretty adamant that I don't want to live together for any length of time without a ring again. Meaning...maybe a few weeks, a month - but if we are going to get M, it has to be this year. The apt....if we move there, would be ready to move into in two months.
I also want to make sure this is what he really wants. He asked me a couple of questions...like if I was glad to be leaving my current apt. Well, not really. I like it here. I will be very glad if BF and I are together and happy - but I can honestly say that I'm pretty content with my roommate situation. I am more worried that I'll let roomate know that I'm leaving, and then BF will change his mind! Then I might have to find a new place altogether.
He also said that he wanted to be able to make me feel good about myself. I said that I can't depend on him for that. I already feel good about myself - I do love him, but last year was awful - and I'm not going to base my happiness or self-esteem on how he acts towards me. My happiness and such can be enhanced - I love him a lot. But my self-worth is not going to be based on him.
While we were talking about ex-OW, BF said that I was a much stronger person than I had been. He also said - after I said that I still wish ex-OW thing hadn't happened, that it's possible that we wouldn't be where we are now otherwise. NOT that it was a good thing it happened - but last year did strengthen me a LOT. I changed as a person. So he may be right.
I've been trying to figure out what we may do for a wedding, or honeymoon, etc. I think it still would be nicer to have family here for that, and we had talked about Paris at some point this year. But we may not be able to do Vegas also, I just don't know. There are so many wonderful places - and we already have to go out of town at least a couple of times this year for weddings (if we are together). I would love to go back to Paris though.
Anyway - I need to get some work done. I hope everyone had a great weekend.
Quote: Oh...and I don't know about anyone else here...but hearing ILY's again is much more meaningful and sweeter than the first time we ever said them.
And the most important thing to me...he has told his family us, as well as a couple of co-workers. I know he hasn't told everyone, but it means a lot to me that he's committed enough to start talking about it with others.
I'm getting slightly antsy...still waiting for word on the apt. near BF's work. But moreso, after hearing that he loves me again...and saying he wants to put his energy into me and not anyone else, it's hard to not see him during the weekdays. We pretty much spend every weekend together - which is awesome, but I think my tank runs low about midweek. It's not like I'm going nuts, but it'd be really nice to spend one evening a week (around Weds) with him just to keep my tank full. The antsiness started when BF mentioned that his other job didn't have any openings on the weekend - and I was glad. It would mean I might not see him hardly at all this week (not that there are ever guarantees).
I asked if maybe we could see each other one night a week too, so we'll see. He is still saying ILY, and it's not like we weren't apart a lot when we were first together. I lived a couple of hours away, I only saw him on the weekends. Then when I first moved here, I wasn't living with him - and even though he was very in love with me, that didn't mean he wanted to spend every night with me.
I understand that when we do spend time together, it is quality time and he's not doing anything else. So on weekends, that can be 2 days of fairly wall-to-wall time. It's not like if we were living together and could just kind of do our own thing too. But (sigh), one evening a week would be nice.
He said he'd looked for me late last night on chat, and I wasn't there. I said that I love getting text messages - he did that a few times last week but none yet this week.
Just trying not to be needy - I don't want to push him away. I don't feel very needy, but after a few days I miss the kissing and cuddling and such.
I am working out a lot, and eating good and I've lost another pound. So I keep plugging away at that!
Hi dfb, I came across your thread earlier, but didn't have time to post, but I found this to be very profound...
Quote: It's also weird just feeling like we are sort of starting over, but we've known each other for 4 1/2 years. We can't really go through the honeymoon phase anymore (thank goodness), we know each other too well. It's like a really great friendship with ML, and fun, and caring and conversation and stuff thrown in. I like that.
Well, if that doesn't sound like the recipe for a great M than I don't what would be!!
... and I can understand where BF is coming from with gifts. I, too, for the longest time was just the same way. If it wasn't pratical, it was a waste of money. Even with flowers, when I bought them for W they were always the potted kind so she would have them at least thru out the season. It was only a couple years ago that it sunk in that if having cut flowers on the table is what makes her happy, then it is not a waste of money. Now I make sure she gets them at least once a month or more.
Wanting hugs and kisses is not being needy, nor is wanting to see BF one weekday each week. If you have Michelle's book DR, I would recommend reviewing the chapter on "Asking for what you want". It would help give some ideas on ways to gain some reassurances to ease your tension about being needy.
