Ex-b is still letting me know he loves me...it's been really nice. I stayed over the night I arrived, and last night too. I was hoping for flowers when I got to the airport - I didn't get any, but when we got back to the apt., he told me to hold out my hands and close my eyes. I did. He put something in my hand and I opened them. They were bullets. And I was like "you got me the gun". He was like "did I?" And he did (though I consider it his gun, since he bought it and I'm not taking possession of it - I just will be the one using it most of the time). He also told me to close my eyes again, and he put the new cell phone into it.
Honestly, in a way it's more romantic than flowers. The gun means we can go shooting together - it's something he plans for us, to spend time doing that. And the phone is for us to keep in contact with each other. Flowers would have just died within days. (okay, I still love flowers!) But I can't complain.
I still can't believe he's saying he loves me - and really in a wonderful way, not just the quick ILY's on the phone. I'm trying to still give him some space, I don't want us to get too co-dependent or anything again. I do love him though and I love spending time with him.
The M word hasn't come up again, but I want him to be absolutely sure before he decides. I want to be with him...I want to marry him...but not if he isn't positive that this is what HE wants.
ML has been a bit different too...it was already wonderful, but it's nice getting kisses on the neck and such. I love that!
I don't expect to see him tonight, but I brought up the cinnamon rolls and he said he'd make some for me this week. So I expect I'll see him this weekend.
I'm very happy. I wasn't unhappy before though - I'd finally gotten to the point where I was ready to let him go, and things are wonderful. If we do talk about a future though, we need to get some things out of the way. Practical stuff included...I don't want to just jump in without both of us making sure that we are willing to talk things out and compromise.
So...that is where I am. I think the most important thing now though is making sure that I'm continuing to expand my own life...to go out with friends, to work out, to have a life of my own that doesn't include ex-b in every facet. That way if something happens to our R again, I'm not going to be so needy. Or if our R DOES work, I hopefully won't be needy!
