Thank you, Nitaf. There has been so much great stuff here in piecing - and I was thinking the other day how much I'd love to come here. I even considered starting to post because we'd gotten so much closer lately.
If this can happen for me - the apologies, hearing ILY, it really can happen for anyone.
Quote: Now that's some interesting progress! Keeping my fingers crossed.
Rob
Rob - I didn't realize that was you for a second, your name changed a while back and you don't post much. Thank you for visiting my thread.
Ex-b called twice today - on his way to work and on his way home. When he was getting off the phone this evening, he said "just remember, 3 more days". He knows I want to go home now! (It's really 3 days from tomorrow). And I waited to see if he'd say he loved me first (I don't want to pressure him) and he did. I've already got several pieces of clothing in my suitcase, I can't wait until they are all in and I'm ready to go. I can't think of anything better right now then being on the couch with ex-b, playing video games and having cinnamon rolls.
Something did crop up a bit today. He and some co-workers went to a hobby place...something I don't think he's ever thought about. And then later, he comes online and says he thinks he might get a license in it! The cost would start at about $500.00. I was like...it's your money, but you might want to just sit on it a bit and see for sure it's something you want to do. We have VERY different money styles. He makes a good income, he doesn't yet save anything...and will not think twice about spending a fair bit of money on things at the drop of a hat. He's very much like my dad in that regard. Myself...I went back and forth all day before shopping on whether to buy myself some Mikes Hard Lemon the other day. I think through nearly any purchase that is non-essential, no matter how small.
He would be making the bulk of the income...it's hard if we got married thinking I'd have any right to say how it was spent. I don't want to be a nag...I was so concerned today that my saying that I thought he should wait would bother him. It didn't, but he is pretty independent and it's something that isn't likely going to change.
It's harder I think to balance stuff like that when you get married older (as opposed to starting off when you are 20 and have nothing anyway).
Again, getting ahead of myself. I have no idea what we are, or what we are doing. But marriage needs to be thought of not just in a romantic way, but a practical one.
It is weird hearing him say "I love you". It almost seems like we should have a new phrase...this isn't the same as when we first met and were all horny and cared about each other. This is two people who went through that, stayed together 3 years, split with ex-OW in picture, became close again and are hopefully reconciling. "I love you" sounds so...small compared to all of that. I don't know if anyone understands. And I don't mean the wonderful in-person deeply felt I-love-you's, I mean the ones that you say on the phone when you are hanging up, etc. I guess it just doesn't convey the depth of all we've been through. Does that make sense?
I never did stop saying "I love you", but I always have said it quick, under my breath as in "haveagoodnightiloveyoubye". And I used ILY on IM as part of my signing off for the evening. Not pressuring him, not declaring my lifelong love, but it wasn't something I felt okay to stop saying.
It's also weird just feeling like we are sort of starting over, but we've known each other for 4 1/2 years. We can't really go through the honeymoon phase anymore (thank goodness), we know each other too well. It's like a really great friendship with ML, and fun, and caring and conversation and stuff thrown in. I like that.
When I read your new thread here I was quite surprised (pleasantly, of course). Obviously, this is a big step for him. Maybe writing in hopefulness would have been appropriate, but considering that you and he did have a R in the past I guess it all makes sense.
Also it made sense what you wrote about the different types of ILY's.
If you two find your way to Vegas in the near future, if at all possible I would like to be invited.
When I read your new thread here I was quite surprised (pleasantly, of course). Obviously, this is a big step for him. Maybe writing in hopefulness would have been appropriate, but considering that you and he did have a R in the past I guess it all makes sense.
Hi Rob -
I figured since he said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that this would be the place to go. And because either way, I'm going to be piecing something together!
I will be out in CA in August, I'm just not sure yet if I'll be in the LA area. I'd like to be. I don't know yet on what ex-b and I are doing, but I'll keep you updated. Thanks.
Yes for sure keep me updated. It would be great to visit with you again while you are out here if it becomes possible.
As to the R developments concerning you and ex-b (BTW, what is his new title hmmm hmmm? STBH? That would be going too far forward at this point but the turnaround has happened at least!), I know that you will keep everyone updated here on your thread.
What I also meant was if you and he decide to get M in LV then consider inviting me to that. It's only a 4 hour drive from home.
I'm very happy for you dfb. And happy for him too...he's getting quite a nice deal if YKWIM.
Rob - I'll let you know, but we'd not likely have other guests. So it might seem unusual to have one guest! But who knows, this all started only a couple of days ago.
I still would rather do it here among a small gathering of friends and family...if it happens. The good thing about my being away is that he can think about all what he said to me. He says he loves me whenever we talk, and he calls and IM's me and such.
He'd bought a chess set recently online that he thought was going to be glass...it wasn't. I found one yesterday online that was pretty, so he can take that to work and we can play chess on the other one. I should have it next week.
Whenever ex-b talks about plans, I'm included. Like the hobby that he was ready to jump into - he talked about how we could do it together. He was thinking about buying me a gun so we could shoot together. Recently there has been a lot of things that had to do with "we". And I mentioned that I'd been thinking about eventually getting a tattoo - he asked what kind, and I said that I'd love to have the character he draws. He said that the friend who is coming to town (the one he wants me to meet) is co-designer of the character with him.
I think it'd be cool.
Only 2 more full days here in DC, and then I go home Tuesday. I really, really can't wait! Not just for ex-b, but I am soooo bored and I love my family, but only in itty bitty doses. I put away a couple of pieces of clothing, my suitcase is starting to fill! And I have to come back two weeks from when I leave - but only for 3 days. Maybe that is too much!
My main goal right now is to not go backsliding. What we have now is working. We each have our own lives but spend lots of quality time together. I can't wrap myself only on him anymore. I also would love to talk with him tonight - we chatted a bit online earlier, but I'll let him call if he wants to talk. He made a big deal of it a couple of months ago when he'd not talked to me for one day. So he will call either today or tomorrow if I don't see him online.
I go home tomorrow! I am looking forward to seeing ex-b, and to just getting back.
Ex-b has not stopped telling me he loves me, and he brought up the Reagan Library a couple of days ago and said "the next time we head out there, we should stop by". So even though we aren't all lovey-dovey on the phone or computer, he is talking about things we could do together.
I nearly had to sit on my hands not to call him last night. I just don't want to be overwhelming him. He did call me around 10pm.
I did tell him I really wanted a big hug and that I was looking forward to seeing him. No "I miss you's" and he hasn't said that - it's not like I see him everday when I'm at home anyway. I do miss having our regular schedule, that has been thrown off some.
Anyway...I really won't be online much the next couple of days, I'm doing museums today and I have an event tomorrow before heading back. I want to go home!
Ex-b is still letting me know he loves me...it's been really nice. I stayed over the night I arrived, and last night too. I was hoping for flowers when I got to the airport - I didn't get any, but when we got back to the apt., he told me to hold out my hands and close my eyes. I did. He put something in my hand and I opened them. They were bullets. And I was like "you got me the gun". He was like "did I?" And he did (though I consider it his gun, since he bought it and I'm not taking possession of it - I just will be the one using it most of the time). He also told me to close my eyes again, and he put the new cell phone into it.
Honestly, in a way it's more romantic than flowers. The gun means we can go shooting together - it's something he plans for us, to spend time doing that. And the phone is for us to keep in contact with each other. Flowers would have just died within days. (okay, I still love flowers!) But I can't complain.
I still can't believe he's saying he loves me - and really in a wonderful way, not just the quick ILY's on the phone. I'm trying to still give him some space, I don't want us to get too co-dependent or anything again. I do love him though and I love spending time with him.
The M word hasn't come up again, but I want him to be absolutely sure before he decides. I want to be with him...I want to marry him...but not if he isn't positive that this is what HE wants.
ML has been a bit different too...it was already wonderful, but it's nice getting kisses on the neck and such. I love that!
I don't expect to see him tonight, but I brought up the cinnamon rolls and he said he'd make some for me this week. So I expect I'll see him this weekend.
I'm very happy. I wasn't unhappy before though - I'd finally gotten to the point where I was ready to let him go, and things are wonderful. If we do talk about a future though, we need to get some things out of the way. Practical stuff included...I don't want to just jump in without both of us making sure that we are willing to talk things out and compromise.
So...that is where I am. I think the most important thing now though is making sure that I'm continuing to expand my own life...to go out with friends, to work out, to have a life of my own that doesn't include ex-b in every facet. That way if something happens to our R again, I'm not going to be so needy. Or if our R DOES work, I hopefully won't be needy!
There has been so much great stuff here in piecing - and I was thinking the other day how much I'd love to come here. I even considered starting to post because we'd gotten so much closer lately.