Quote: dfb - does this mean we have to stop calling him the ex-b? Ellie
I don't know yet! This all just happened this morning. He said he's been thinking about it a while...and things have been getting closer between us. The awesome thing is...if he does end up changing his mind again...I am HAPPY. He asked me this morning how I was feeling, if I was happy - and I said I already was. Of course, I let him know that it was icing on the cake hearing him say that to me again. And he meant it when he said it.
If he changed his mind tomorrow...I will still be happy that I heard those words again and that he apologized to me over and over.
* If * we got married...and I do believe that love is worth the risk if he wants to marry me...I would rather it not be in a quickie Vegas type wedding. I don't care about cost and such, I would go for a free backyard wedding - no problem. But I'd be concerrned about a little chapel type wedding vs. maybe a nice hotel wedding (even if it is just us). I checked prices online though, and the nice hotels still cost hundreds of dollars for a private wedding. But I'd marry him in any way, if that is what he wants. It's what I want.
He plans to move in a couple of months - not very far, but further than he is from me now. He mentioned me moving there with him.
Anyway...I am getting ahead of myself here. This is just like 14 hours old...the first "I love you". But it was amazing. As were the second, third, fourth, and fifth...etc. etc.
Thank you Ellie for everything. The pink shirt I am sure didn't hurt! Though I'd like to think his reasoning is a lot deeper than that. He told me he'd never find someone else who loves him like I do. That if I hadn't gone anywhere yet, that he knew I'd not just leave him. He said I was very special to him.
We talked some about ex-OW this morning. He had seen her a couple of months ago...along with her fiance'. Ex-b said she's gotten quite a bit heavier. I know she was trying to lose weight last year, I guess she went and put on another 20 or 30 instead (she was about my weight or a little higher to begin with).
We talked a little about what happened. There are things I'd be curious to know, but I have no reason to. I do know they didn't ML. I am grateful for that. He said she was fickle, and I knew that already. Ex-b also said he told her a year ago that if they broke it off, he was going to turn off his feelings for her. That there wasn't any more chances. I mentioned a few things around the apt....a couple of pieces of clothes she left behind, and a stuffed animal (he did tell me he bought it for her). She also has a couple of cups (one mug) there. I said it felt like the stuff was waiting for her to come back. He said that he'd do whatever I wanted with the stuff. He said that he'd planned to give the clothes (and maybe stuffed animal?) back to her when she was here - but they didn't get together for the second day that they planned, and the stuff is still in his apt. That is (I am sure) why I noticed her clothing move a bit and get folded up.
I did ask if he'd wanted her to move here. He'd said they'd thought about that. I asked if he'd wanted to marry her. He said pretty much the same thing. I don't think there was any formal proposal, I think she wanted to be here and he wanted to spend time with her.
Anyway...thanks. He is online now but away from the computer - I have no idea what will happen over the next number of days, weeks, months. I'm honestly at peace in a lot of ways, whatever the outcome. He held me so close last night, and told me he loved me so often...it was wonderful. I love him, and we'll see what happens.
Quote: a simple backyard ceremony will do - but to my mind, there's something important about making that commitment in front of everyone you know. Plus I don't blame you for wanting to take a little time to see if his changes are for real!
That is actually what I would want...his family gets together for July 4th, and one of them is a minister. That would, to me be the perfect wedding (one of the family members lives on the beach and that is where we go). But as I'd said...this is so new, and July 4th is only a few weeks away. I just keep waiting for this not to be real!
Nuther - I hope that you hear the same words from your H. I had noticed lately that guys were giving me a lot more attention...it'd not be so hard to get dates, I don't think. But ex-b was worth the wait for me. If we don't end up together and married, then I've learned a lot from being here. I'm a really different person than when I started.
Thanks Debi. The hardest part right now is being away from him - I feel like I need to know that it wasn't just a one-day type thing. If I was at home, we'd be either spending time together or doing the normal chatting and talking, and that isn't happening now. Yesterday afternoon I called him to let him know I was here...and then we chatted later for a little bit (30 or so minutes) online. I told him I'd talk to him or chat with him in the evening, but I tried calling twice and he wasn't there either time (once around 7, another around 10 or so...then I went to sleep). I was hoping he'd call, but he hasn't.
I did mention to him on my way offline that Vegas would be fine if he still wanted that. Otherwise, I didn't bring anything else up. I think for the next 4 days I'm here, I need to just be and not overwhelm him. I really don't enjoy being here very much - it can be difficult at best, and it's hard not to reach out to him. Just like yesterday...I was SO nervous before my flight, and wanted to call him and talk to him. But I didn't. I'm really proud of myself for that.
Like everyone said...patience. I am surprised how many are now reading and writing in my thread. I have to remember also that ex-b said he'd been thinking about this for a while. That was very important to me. I don't want to get all needy now...that is what caused the problems I think to begin with.
He'd given it a lot of thought when he was laying around talking to me. He was really meaning every word he said. I just wish I was there, you know? It's just weird leaving right after a conversation like that. And not talking to him last night. I don't want to make big changes to our R right now, because it's been working.
Anyway...that's it. I just want to see him and not be here, or to at least talk to him. But I don't want to crowd him at all.
Quote: Congrats and good luck!How long was EX-B's R with OW?
Probably 6 months EA, then very short lived (he saw her for 10 or so days) PA when he went to Europe to see her. Then it was over within a month or 5 weeks after that. They didn't ML, and I believe him when he says that.
He did call me this morning - I'd pretty much given up on hearing from him, but he did. And he said "I love you" before I did on hanging up. And he said he'd call me tonight. So everything is okay, I don't want to discuss too much anyway while I'm gone.
Oh...and the relationship with ex-OW was over a year or so ago now. So this took a while to get to this place. He seemed to be completely free by July 4th last year - and we've gotten closer ever since, but he said he didn't want to get back together as recent as 3 months ago. So you never, ever know what is going to happen.
I don't know now either. I just keep remembering that he's been thinking about this and it wasn't a snap decision. He really looked at me with a lot of love yesterday, like he used to when we were first together and our R was new. It was amazing, it was like he finally let himself be able to really turn the feelings back on. I just don't want him to turn them back off.
Our R, our conversations...it's been so great the last few months. I have been thinking just how I know he needs his space, and really...I need to make sure I have a life outside of him as well. My world can't revolve around him the same way as it did (if we are getting back together). He can be the biggest part of it, just not all of it.
