Well I am not Smiles, but I will take a stab here. She is nervous that if she mbates and then her H approaches her and they have sex, that she will not be able to come. Doesn't sound like that big of a deal but if it were to happen even a handful of times, her H might drop his desire level even WAY further.
Just substitute your LDW in place of the LDH in the above scenario and I'm sure you can see how it would play out in your house, too. Many LD spouses have an attitude of "I'm doing this for you" so if you don't respond and have an orgasm they would be disinclined to try again.
And yes the self esteem goes in the toilet. I don't think I have ever felt so bad about myself as I did after I found out that H had been intentionally avoiding me for 4 years. In my mind, I had built it up to be a "he doesn't realize how long it's been" or something like that. To find out that he DID know and was doing it on purpose was crushing. I guess I had always thought that I was irresistable to him and it turns out, I wasn't.
It took many years of regular sex (and lots of contrition from him! lol) in order for me to be able to see myself as a sexual person again and one who is attractive and appealing.
