Her lack of desire is NOT your fault. Don't blame yourself for HER problem, that, unfortunately, affect you like it does.
My STBX travels ocassionally and I, too, have wondered what would my life be like if he would die in an accident on a trip. It's not that unusual to try to picture yourself in a different life with a different situation. Don't feel guilty about having those thoughts. My H evidently does not feel one bit guilty about causing me to have those type of thoughts, so don't punish yourself for just daydreaming about "if this situation were different."
What we need and want, even if we explain this to our spouses repeatedly, our spouses withhold and our frustration and anger sometimes gets the best of us. They refuse to see our needs as important, but they are. We are so starved for affection and attention that sometimes we fantacize about "what if."
