Wildebube, I just read the HUGH! thread you posted on the forum and all of the responses sent to you. I am blown away again. You are MUCH!!!!!!!!!! MORE patient than am I, but perhaps I can learn as well. My situation is not nearly as difficult as is yours, but with the way I feel from my own personal situation, if the tide was turned, I would have divorced W MANY years ago. I would find myself with a religious struggle that would actually probably push me in the D direction. I believe that MB is wrong as well, but I also believe it is wronge for a W to refuse and withhold. (Actually, I believe spouse refusing is MORE destructive in the long run than adultry is.) Since I personally believe that families should and can exist after death (don't anyone freek out over this, it is a personal beliefe I hold to and cherish), then it is necessary that there be a certain amount of harmony and effection in this life. If I am going to spend the next 30 years in a dark place because my W withholds, well, I don't have much of a marriage anyway.
We have gone to a sex therapist who I think is quite good. She is very gentle with my W but continues to pin her down over and over again and is trying to get her thinking through some of the strange elusive blocks. This therapist asked us the question, "What is the difference between a close friendship and a marriage?" We ho hawed around this for a while, and she finally answered for us--SEX. Sex is the difference. There is nothing in a marriage that you can not have outside of it except sex (provided you take the strict moral view of marriage and abstinance outside of it which I do). So, to be frank with reality, if my wife doesn't want sex, then she is sending a clear message to me that she doesn't want marriage either since that is the key factor.
I struggle with this and it is what causes anger and pain. Do you want to be married to me W? Well, then you have a responsibility to be IN the marriage.
I am getting kindof preachy here, but I am challenging all of my moral upbringing beliefs. I am not happy in the relationship the way it is and something has to change. I already know I can't change her, so its got to be me.
It is a reflection of how low I feel to even consider starting up an adulterous relationship, but I am considering it. I think that a combination of MB and an antidepressant to kill libido might be a solution to take the edge off of the hurt and anger I am feeling. The sad thing is if I find myself MB, it ain't my wife I'm having sex with in my mind. When I think of her, there is so much sorrow and resentment, it kills whatever erection I could have had.
