I haven't tried writing letters to W, but I have used them successfully in dealing with D16. I just simply state at the beginning of the letter that my purpose is say my piece without interruptions and arguments. I say what I have to say and follow it up by telling her that I am very willing to either listen to or read her side. I finish it all up by telling her that if she is willing to discuss things in a calm and rational manner, I'm at her disposal. It may just be our personalities, but it has worked well for us. We've had some lively e-mail exchanges that ended up quite productive. Face-to-face conversations tend to degenerate into shouting matches. We both jump on anything the other says and start trying to score counter points. But in letters each of us can present complete and cohesive statements and are able to complete our thought/point without interruption.
I haven't tried this with W. I'm not suggesting that you try it with yours. I'm just saying that in dealing with a teenaged D, it has helped us diffuse the hostility and talk about divisive subjects in a much more calm manner.
