OK, here is last nite's deal. He came home, and I felt there was distance between us, and I thought he must be feeling pressure in some way, and I was thinking he might be thinking about ML later, because we have the C today, and he'll want to come in there with a good report. Sigh. We had dinner as a family, he grilled, so there was a lot of interaction between us, but not the warm kind, just sort of neutral talk, and then I had to go to a class. A million thoughts were going through my head, along the lines of...if he acts withholding again( there had been a major change in this behavior the past 2 weeks), how am I going to handle it? Am I going to control being upset? How do I confront it? etc. Anyway, I came home, and he was like a different person, warm and friendly, connected, etc. It was late and I didn't feel like starting a bath, but I managed to freshen up and all and went into bed with my erotic novel( little ways I keep the desire flowing). He comes into bed, I shut off light, we do some cuddling/fondling which progressed to ML. I was watching how the whole thing unfolds a bit more, and clearly he decides when it's going to be a ML night by being more aggressive. I did a few new things: I was aggressive back a bit more( squeezed his body hard, like his arm and hip and such, and pinched his nipple hard...I don't know if he liked or disliked it. When we were ML, I took a pillow and placed it under my hips( new for me). The tone was slow, close and gentle, and he was looking at me, and I felt we really have come a long way. I asked him if he felt emotionally close to me, and he replied "why wouldn't I?", and I felt at some future point perhaps I could draw him in for a more intense emotional experience, even though he isn't looking for that. Afterwards, I told him how enjoyable it was to have the spontaneity, and I threw in how it's nice to have date nite and something like this to complete the week. He was silent for the most part but he heard me ( something from the SSM book...they hear you, they aren't deaf, now wait it out). This am was very relaxing and comfortable; we were both up early, had some nice convo. We have C at lunchtime. J
Hi WB, The only thing is that in my psycho mind I am thinking it was scheduled, in the sense that we have C today and he prob wanted to go in there on a positive note. Maybe I should schedule more C sessions... J
Quote: The only thing is that in my psycho mind I am thinking it was scheduled, in the sense that we have C today and he prob wanted to go in there on a positive note
You're right...that IS psycho. Accept it and be happy. And, by the way, I really like your written descriptions of the "act." If Honeypot could write like that, all the boys here would be banging their heads on the wall.
Hairdog - who thinks coming out of your comfort zone is a good thing.
J, I do this too. Take a perfectly good experience and ruin it with some stinko thoughts.
Here are some alternative thoughts for you and I hope they reach you before C.
There is no denying the EC has been there STRONG for the last several days. Also it seems like he has been reaching maximum horniness and getting increasingly affectionate during those days too. So I really don't think he was doing this with some plan in mind. I think he had just been enjoying the good groove you guys had going on.
I don't know about your H, but mine is not manipulative. He is not a "plotter". I will sometimes ask him things that I have dreamed up in my mind and he will get this blank and confused look on his face and say, "What??"
Hey here is another story for you: Monday evening H came home and was happy (as usual) as was I. I told him that a person called for him from the newspaper and I told them XYZ. He freaked and started criticizing what I had said. I stayed pretty darn calm, if I do say so myself AND based on my past track record, and told him that if he was that concerned about it then he should have given his work #. Then we went on with our evening.
About an hour later he says, You know I am really amazed at how you handled yourself...you stayed calm even though I was really being an ass. Then he launched into this whole discussion about the "whys" and of course focused on our faith and how it strengthens us, etc. Which it does. I listened to him and agreed with certain parts and left the room. Then I came back a while later and told him, "You know what. Here is the reason why I was better able to stay calm. Because we just had sex the night before and that softens SO many things. For both of us."
Without the EC having been strongly present for the last week, I probably wouldn't have said that. I have a tendency to stuff a lot of my true feelings and thoughts inside because they make HIM uncomfortable or, gasp, create pressure.
Last night was weird!!! He was....dare I say...almost FLIRTY with me. I think the EC is gettin to him. He was very affectionate and fun. My negative thoughts were this: He knows we're not having sex tonight (I had told him this the night before) so he feels free to be like this. But my positive thoughts were that he is just enjoying the good vibe between us lately and acting on it.
At bedtime, we snuggled up together and of course I couldn't keep my hands off his d*ck. It's funny...I used to get so upset and offended if I touched him and he wasn't hard. Now, I truly enjoy the feeling of his soft little guy in my fingers. He never did get hard and we drifted peacefully off to sleep. I had the feeling that I could have turned it sexual if I wanted and GUESS WHAT that knowledge was enough for me. Just knowing that he was open to it, even though he was dog tired and we are both coming down with colds, was great.
So let me know how you are feeling before counseling if you have a chance. Your night was awesome and I am jealous! Aggressive sex.......whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. All I got was a soft (but very attractive) penis to hold.
Honeypot
P.S. Hairdog, you KNOW I have to behave myself. Good grief, what would H say if he ever stumbled on this site? (he knows I visit here, does not check to see if I post) That would be the final nail in the ol marital coffin, if I was posting graphic details....which I'd love to do!
Quote: My ex used to hold my penis and drift off to sleep.
That's something else I've never gotten from my W. She acts more like my penis is a nettle or something. I guess she thinks that I'll interpret even an accidental brush as an invitation to ML. Whatever she's thinking, she NEVER touches it unless she wants what passes for sex between us. Any other time it can get kind of comical watching her try to avoid it.
If Honeypot could write like that, all the boys here would be banging their heads on the wall. 
