OK, here is last nite's deal. He came home, and I felt there was distance between us, and I thought he must be feeling pressure in some way, and I was thinking he might be thinking about ML later, because we have the C today, and he'll want to come in there with a good report. Sigh. We had dinner as a family, he grilled, so there was a lot of interaction between us, but not the warm kind, just sort of neutral talk, and then I had to go to a class. A million thoughts were going through my head, along the lines of...if he acts withholding again( there had been a major change in this behavior the past 2 weeks), how am I going to handle it? Am I going to control being upset? How do I confront it? etc. Anyway, I came home, and he was like a different person, warm and friendly, connected, etc. It was late and I didn't feel like starting a bath, but I managed to freshen up and all and went into bed with my erotic novel( little ways I keep the desire flowing). He comes into bed, I shut off light, we do some cuddling/fondling which progressed to ML. I was watching how the whole thing unfolds a bit more, and clearly he decides when it's going to be a ML night by being more aggressive. I did a few new things: I was aggressive back a bit more( squeezed his body hard, like his arm and hip and such, and pinched his nipple hard...I don't know if he liked or disliked it. When we were ML, I took a pillow and placed it under my hips( new for me). The tone was slow, close and gentle, and he was looking at me, and I felt we really have come a long way. I asked him if he felt emotionally close to me, and he replied "why wouldn't I?", and I felt at some future point perhaps I could draw him in for a more intense emotional experience, even though he isn't looking for that. Afterwards, I told him how enjoyable it was to have the spontaneity, and I threw in how it's nice to have date nite and something like this to complete the week. He was silent for the most part but he heard me ( something from the SSM book...they hear you, they aren't deaf, now wait it out). This am was very relaxing and comfortable; we were both up early, had some nice convo. We have C at lunchtime. J
