Well your fingers did the trick. Thanks for the help. It was neck and neck there for a while on which side (will he or won't he) would win out.
I won't bore you with the details but it was definitely ME forcing it to happen. It was still lighthearted, though, and that kept it from being a pressure cooker moment. One thing I said to him was that I wanted him to stroke me but that I didn't want him to force himself to stay awake for it. If he fell asleep, it was fine.
The difference between that and other nights when his stroke..stroke..pause...snore... routine makes me mad, is that we had ML plenty of times recently as well as had an awesome EC going on. Plus, I initiated it and basically picked up his hand and placed it there. So I get what I get, right!
The nights where it makes me furious is when we haven't had sex in a while, he initiates and then can't even stay awake long enough to act interested.
So something about me taking the pressure completely off (go ahead and go to sleep if you wanna) made him feel relaxed and, in turn, aroused. Who knew!
Afterwards though, I was hit with an attack of "why did I force that??" and told him that I was feeling bad that I did that and I should have respected it when he said he wanted to just go to sleep that night. (which he did before my strategic hand placement maneuver) He said he was fine and that he NEVER regrets it afterwards, just sometimes it doesn't sound good beforehand. Which immediately brought to mind the question of: Well why don't you initiate it more, then, if you know you NEVER regret it?? But I let it rest and thanked him for the attention. I also jokingly told him that tonight is his "night off". And I'm SURE it will be.
Now on to you....
Tell me more about how things go when you do ML. Are you the initiator, or is it always him? When you have a cuddle nite is it because he did not make a move, or is it more like you are being subtley available and he either cuddles or takes you up on the (unspoken) sex offer? I'm trying to get a read here. lol
The reason I ask is that one thing that has really helped our situation is for me to start initiating more aggressively. Honestly it took me the whole two years we have been working on this to get better at it. He would prolly still say I have a ways to go. Quite frankly I prefer to be the one pursued, but since he doesn't pursue often enough for my taste, I have had to learn to do this.
It usually has to involve either me touching him directly on his penis, or putting his hand on me and asking him to rub me. Anything else was too subtle and not "enough" to get him going. We are actually pretty similar in what gets us revved up, but we both want to be the pursued one. Sigh.
Anyway, I have gotten more adept at just grabbin him (even though it really goes against what feels natural to me) or maneuvering his hand towards me.
On nights when he is horny, just about anything will work. On nights when he is not, I have had to be more creative. Things that Do Not Work: Asking, Sulking, Rubbing naked body on him, Lingerie. Things that Do Work: Direct stimulation, Kissing and occassionally Hugging.
With all these new skills, who knows what I will end up doing when I re-enter the work force. I'll be fit for the CIA, I believe.
I am really so happy that the EC is back so strong. He is warming up to the new marriage and it seems that it is irresistable to him! I think that it takes a while to figure out (when your spouse is pushing you for change) just how unhappy YOU were, too, you know?
It all sounds great and I hope tonight brings cuddles, ETC!
