Well last nite I set myself up for failure. I woke up at 3 am in an alert, affectionate place, and thought "should I or shouldn't I?" and figured WTF and snuggled/woke up H. To his credit he didn't immediately reject me...he gave me the 5 min. "here's some attention and let me go back to sleep" routine which I should have just accepted. Instead, being in this HD state, I wanted to play more and he had had enough. We had a talk. "We can't do this in the middle of the night, I need to sleep, you are too much, etc." is what I heard. And true, it was selfish of me on some part bc he does need rest, but am I forever going to live my life in such a controlled way? Now here's where the differentiation came in. Ususally I would get very sensitive at this point and retreat, or I would get into some analytic/psych discussion leading nowhere, but last nite I said " you have such a stick in your azz" which is completley NOT my personality, but it's really what I felt. He is sucking the joy from me. The funny thing is, he actually responded to that, and we had a nice nite, although we are both exhausted today and we both have busy days. I am beginning to see him more like MM's H ( or this might be fusion with MM)...a lot of irritability, which usually makes me sensitive. I am going to try to stop reacting to it and remain upbeat, humorous, warm, etc and assert what I want, for the sake of the marriage.
