Dave, I agree that PM has helped me to "hold onto myself" and assert my desires in a stronger way, knowing that in not doing so, I am contributing to the fused state and weakening the marriage overall. It has enabled me to figure out what my most basic needs are in the marriage and even though I have other desires, I can live without them( for now anyway). PM is about developing your sexual potential, but I feel in order to do this, both partners have to have the drive and determination to get to that high place, and H is just not motivated.
Right now I am asserting my need for enthusiastic LMing 2x/week, emotional connection outside the bedroom on a daily basis, and not allowing H to hurtfully reject me. Although I have other desires, I am willing to tolerate the anxiety of not having those desires met. For instance, tonite I would love it if he pulled me away from this computer and ML to me in a hot way, but we are just not at that level. I am not going to give up on my dreams, but I cannot forever be upset with what I don't have. I am figuring that bit by bit, I can continue to push my agenda (i.e., enter the growth cycle) once I achieve this basic level of comfort.
