Quote: Had she said she wanted him to stay, and fight for her marriage, I can honestly say I would have quietly disappeared out of the picture.
This is so interesting to me to see your perspective on this! Thank you, Pen.
Initially, I did ask my H to stay -- many times. I did scream at him and tell him to get out when I realized he'd lied to me about continuing his affair, but we later had calm words about reconciliation and boundaries.
I also contacted OW directly right when I found out and told her that I loved my H dearly, that I was starting to suspect my H was suffering from depression and did not want it to ruin our marriage. I said I understood that she only heard his discontent and that if I ever were in her shoes, I know I'd want to know how the wife felt. I said that my marriage was very important to me and that I was willing to fight hard to repair it, that H was a good person who meant a great deal to me. I was pretty gracious in 2 seperate emails (later I was less gracious in a third-- of which I am not proud-- I decided to not pursue that contact path any further when I found DB).
Her response was not to walk away.
Her response was to move back to our state, have a "pregnancy scare", and get her old job back working at his (now former) company, start pushing him to file for divorce asap and be public with "their love".
Honestly, even today, it blows my mind to know this is the kind of person he chooses to be with, though he's left her several times to "come home" (his words--he still calls me "home" for whatever that is worth).
