Let me chime in here:
Most often, the adulterer tells the OW or OM whatever will get teh OW or OM to feel POOR HIM, LET ME MAKE IT BETTER.
Do you REALLY think any adulterer or wannabe adulterer would say: I am running away from my responsibilities and need someone who will give me a b---job with a smile and who will make me feel special and wonderful. I have too many resentments against my spouse and am not willing to change for him/her but want to forget MY mistakes and start over cause it is easier. My opinion is that the WAS is stuck in believing that REAL love is the puppy love, limerance, falling in love....and that despite children, job stress, financial concerns, kids in school, TEENAGERS, that that REAL love should always be there or else something is wrong. Most of the WAS were rather pampered and spoiled and are self absorbed if not selfish...and the 'neglect' they often FEEL (which is real to them) is more that their spouses have asked for a little reciprocity in that regard and the adultery or WBA says: what, you want something from ME?
OK, I am venting here, but it galls me that there has never been a wandering spouse who says: I'm just not willing to take on the responsibilities of marriage and committment because its too easy to find someone who doesn't know my mistakes and will go all out trying to please me. Falling in love is FUN and EXCITING. Being a husband and dad and grandad isn't that much fun.

Oh well: anyone who has been or is considering being an OW or OM needs to understand that the philanderer isn't going to tell them the truth about much..only a version based on blaming the spouse. Tell the truth, has their ever been a philanderer who didnt' tell the OW OR OM: SHE (or HE) just didn't understand me. Good grief.

This is not to blame the OW OR OM who has a different kind of blame/guilt/shame to bear. Put the blame on whichever one goes looking too, no matter how weak, depressed , MLC'd or 'misunderstood'. And yep, I do have no fondness for women who make themselves available to married men because it is somethign I couldn't/wouldn't do and I expect more from women. But that's just me and I don't tend to judge people who have that in their past but I do not associate with those who have it in their present. Well now, I will get off my Sunday Soapbox and shut up. I HAD to vent today.
gd