Wonder's post echoes many of the thoughts I had when I read your post about your background.
Quote: When we met, my h told me that his marriage was over, and they were only together because of the kids (D14, S9, and S7)... Over the years, he increasingly questioned the marriage, tried for a while to encourage common interests, but never really able to find any... He thought it a bad marriage, and believed she felt the same way.
Thus the story as presented to me. I’ve been able to substantiate pretty much all of it, either through personal observation, or through involuntary comments the children made. He's a just man. The one error of judgment he made was to think she also considered it a bad marriage – she didn’t.
Isn't it mostly like that? The WAS tells OP that "the marriage is over" (although they are still at home!) when the spouse doesn't even know it.
The WAS often claims to have "tried to work on the marriage", while it appears to the LBS that they were doing quite a lot to sabotage it, in fact.
All marriages go though periods of lull and stress. If at this point an OP appears on the scene and the WAS is in the throes of 'limerance', what earthly chance does a dull old marriage (with responsibilities, and history) stand against the excitement of 'starting again' with one's new and better love?
I imagine that even those who claim that they and their spouses have NOTHING in common did once find their spouse interesting and exciting enough to date and marry?
My H claimed at bomb time that the only thing we had in common was our D. Nothing could be further from the truth. What does he have in coomon with OW no.1? She was a good friend of mine, so I do know her. And I can tell you that they have this in common -
1) She is a heavy smoker, H has started smoking post bomb.
2) She is up for a certain practice in bed.
Er, I can't think of anything else!
Same field of creative work? Intellectual parity? Common hobbies and activities? Common general interests? Nope, nope, nope and nope.
But then, who am I to say?
Livnlearn
PS: In the early years of our marriage, H used to say we should have got together even earlier (we had been friends for seven years before). Sadly, rewriting of history is all too common in these situations.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
