I had a decent night's sleep and after wrestling with D7 this morning (who didn't want to get dressed) I'm feeling just fine.
Pattie and Linda--Actually, I was a little too disgusted to want to smack him. Being married to frat boy isn't exactly something I'm jumping up and down about. I guess I didn't see how I was behaving PA? I truly wasn't angry when I called... I was concerned because it wasn't his MO to disappear, but I'll admit I laid the concern on pretty thick.
D10 called me a half hour ago just to chat. She and my mom were on their way to get pedicures. We didn't discuss her dad at all... so 5 minutes ago, Mr. Wonderful called me. He asked if I had asked her to call him? I said honestly, "No." He said he had asked her the same and she had given him the same answer.
He started laughing and making small talk, but I haven't been up as long as he has... and I'm definitely not in the mood for chit chat.
But moving along to you, Slowly.
I agree with Pen and KAW too. I just feel the need to take things S-L-O-W-L-Y!
About Mr. Wonderful and his internal processing of D7's diagnosis, I really can't answer that question. I feel he has not truly grieved. In fact, this very issue came up in MC last summer... he denied having the need to do this, and MC and I looked at each other with questions.
I'm inclined to say he really needs to process this more. I know that I was extremely surprised to discover my own feelings in IC when I started 2 years ago. I had no idea that I had never taken the time to grieve for a life that would never be and to take the time to explore the myriad feelings that accompany that reality.
It wasn't overwhelming, but it needed to be done. Does this make any sense? I suspect that Mr. Wonderful needs to do something along the same lines. Though I will say, to his credit, he is a great father. He is present with BOTH the girls and he adores them both. If he has any doubt whether he's capable of doing the grief work, I don't. He's already been living a tough job as her parent all along.
I don't know if you went back far enough into my posts to read about Mr. Wonderful's childhood. I think this is a good time to do a recap, because it will probably help me focus on his need to be frat boy right now.
He grew up on the working poor side of the middle class label. He is the youngest of 2 boys. His mother was dominating and had a very sharp tongue, and his father was a relentless workhorse with a typical scandinavian work ethic. That is, no play until work is done.
That meant that he had little childhood. He was not allowed to join sports or extracurricular activities at school, because he was expected to come home and do chores or help his father build their house. The one thing he WAS allowed to do was read. And that became his escape from reality.
His parents were loners and isolated themselves from the outside world, except for family. Even then, they fought with family members. Mr. Wonderful and my BIL have some horrid memories of hateful things their loved ones would spew at one another.
His parents also lived a life of resentment and sadness. Once or twice a year, they would reach an impasse over something. Instead of talking it out, they gave each other the silent treatment. Mr. W. and his brother were put in the middle, expected to communicate messages between the parents. One of their fights lasted as long as 3 months.
Then there was the excessive drinking. On top of rules that were made for no apparent reason, but enforced with extreme punitive measures if they were broken.
Mr. W. has one childhood friend. I know this man, and I'm sure he would love to talk to him about what is going on right now. He himself was a LBS. Though he has remarried with a baby, it was a scarring experience for him.
He doesn't look back and admit that his childhood was less than thrilling. But all the signs are there for everyone else to see. Where I spent my high school years rebelling and acting out, he was proper and did what was expected of him. He was on a full scholarship to engineering school (which he completed in 3 years), so he was very motivated to keep his grades up. He had a fun college experience, but his work came first. And he graduated 2nd or 3rd in his class...
I remember my high school and college days fondly with some degree of happiness that I feel better about myself with so much distance between now and then. I was taught to make good choices, and managed to escape some of the more common consequences for irresponsible behavior. Actually, I'm lucky to be alive.
But it was acceptable to act like an idiot when one is a teenager. (My parents were NOT thrilled, but I can promise you they would be even more disgusted if I was going through that stuff now.)
My parents also know Mr. Wonderful pretty well. He and my dad have a lot in common. His childhood is probably why they are as understanding as they are. My dad commented last year some time, "Every child has a right to a childhood. And Mr. Wonderful did not get one."
That certainly doesn't mean that he should be allowed to have one now. I just understand why it might be so important. And it's a good reminder that I'm not his mother and will not be meting out punishment for acting out. But he will bear consequences for his actions. Maybe not at my hand, but they are ever present.
At any rate, I have some work to do today so I had best get hopping. I'm sure I'll be talking to frat boy a few times today as well.
BTW, I wasn't kidding when I said I understood the bottle flu thing. Maybe one day he'll see that.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
