Friends: Season 5--New perspectives

[Underdog]

Bon jour to all!

I logged in to do some banking and found myself here first. Who'd have figured?

Briget--Since you asked, I'm going to address you first. Tomorrow I should have more time on my hands at work, and we can start this dialogue in earnest on your thread. Hopefully, you'll have your PC back.

Stirring up the pot just because you're bored IS crazymaking. But I sense that your edginess is an attempt as a last ditch effort to see if you have any leverage with your H? My first instinct is to tell you to RESPOND or INITIATE differently--a true 180. If you never call, do it. If he calls, act like his friend. Something that might jar him into seeing things differently right now... that's my first crack.

HOn, really? I get docked a point? Let's compromise. A half a point. If you knew how awful my yard looks, you'd have to agree with me. My neighbors are probably chomping at the bit (particularly the ones across the street--the ones whose lawn I mowed while they were at a wedding).

Pattie, okay, I'll let him be my knight in shining armor today. Maybe I'll don some slut clothes and look completely helpless? Just kidding. I don't own slut clothes...

Pen, I have to tell you I'm going WAY lenient on you, darlin'. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY calls me chicken and gets away with it!

But I must say that you and KAW make excellent points. And KAW, I agree with the patience thing. 100%. I was not covering my ears or eyes on that comment...

Since you guys were kind enough to up the ante from two cents, I want to get some things clarified. If you see things differently, by all means, let me hear some alternate opinions.

In my eyes, initiating a date right now is a big BOZO NO NO. I can act as if I am interested in that outcome, and I agree that if he ever asks, I'll accept. I really don't feel he's ready for that next step. Too much past resentment is coming out right now and I don't feel the timing is right.

If I go back to the cobwebs in my mind and the book on vulnerability that came into my life last summer, a woman should let the man do the pursuing. I realize that asking him to go to the movies was definitely in that vein, but in my mind, there was a difference...

I'm not disagreeing with Mr. W's comments either. His resentments are fair, although they are way too old for my liking. But I'm trying to grit my teeth, gird my loins (whatever THAT looks like) and let him get that crap out. For now, at least.

I was the one who initiated the movie outing. So in my mind, I had to make it more family oriented. Family oriented to him means less threatening. Without saying so, he knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't be bringing up R stuff in front of D7. He was laid back and just hanging out as he normally did before he left.

Damn, it's quiet right now. Where the heck is D7?

KAW, the filing IS on the back burner. It is simply a musing that comes barging to the surface when this angry part of him charges forward. I will restate my goal here: I didn't expect to get angry about his feelings, so I promise to validate more and keep my mouth shut if I feel the need to defend myself. However, I won't promise not to explore the topic. THAT is a 180 for me, and as long as I don't lose control, it's the only way I can really show him that I've changed.

UGH!

KAW, I'm awfully grateful for your play-by-play input. Where would I be without you today? You've given me a lot to think about before Mr. Knight-in-Shining-Armor shows up on my doorstep. If you think of any goals you think I should consider, please let me have them.

Pen, since you threw down the gauntlet by calling me chicken, I'm gonna issue a dare of my own. Please feel free to consider yourself a "Friend": that means you can do it here. Why don't you tell us more about you?????

Hey, you couldn't possibly be more messed up than the rest of us here. And the fact is, you're intelligent. I want to know more!

Thanks for all the great feedback!

Betsey