YIKES! Boy, did I pick the wrong week to stay away from the bb!

Betsy, you never cease to amaze me each time I read your thread! ... and the guidance given ... you folks can go pro!!!

There's one point that stood out that Pen had mentioned that I think should not be overlooked in regards to ...
Quote:

What works best for ME and the girls--and him--is the friends approach. He seems to be thinking more warmly and happily when we are interacting as friends. Hence, my invitation to see the movie. And I think he really misses me as his friend too.... he accepted it before I could say Bob Barker!

I know some of you who have been posting with me for the duration know that Mr. Wonderful and I started our R as friends. After doing things for a few months as friends, we went out as a couple in a big group of friends... where he finally admitted to finding me very atrractive and date interest worthy. We had done nothing up to that point other than go out to lunch, bowling or sit outside our building on a park bench and eat lunch together. (We worked together.)

If I can barrage that fortress using the "friends" method--one that I've journaled and seems to work the best--I think there might stand a snowball's chance in hell that he won't want to choose to see me as the sole problem.

... and going to the movies with D7 & camping out when D10 comes back is all great ways to reconnect as a family, but just as important is UD & Mr. W one-on-one time to spend moments together again like you described above. Its important that if Mr. W is to feel a reconnection with you, that there are times you spend together with no other distractions. So when the feeling do surface, he knows its because of you!! He will not be able to mix up those feelings with the presence of your dd's or anything else but you!

... and the one-on-one time will be the stone that gets the second bird...
Quote:

I don't have the answers, guys and gals. Mr. W's brother and SIL are really puzzled by this stuff. My BIL is also a conflict avoider, but he's said through SIL, there is more here than just that. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I smell fear.

As the cliche goes ... no other way to conquer fear than to face it ... to demonstrate that the premise on which the fear is based does not exist any longer.

I going to liken it here to a person who has a fear of dogs to the point that they feel intimidated by their presence, but allow that person to spend some quality alone time with the friendliest of dogs and that fear will go away as their comfort level goes up. This is an oversimplification, but my point is I get the sense Mr.W is still feeling uncomfortable being alone with you because of that fear. (and I may not be reading this right, but maybe its also true the other way around too?) You have to reach a point where you each feel comfortable just being with each other when your attention is on nothing else and allow yourselves to enjoy those moments. So ... should we add "Lassie" to your long list of aliases?

'til later,
KAW