Hi gang, A word about not doing anything about a divorce...letting the WAS do it all, not interfering:
That is the path I chose. When my now X told me that he didn't want to try anymore, I took the "Stop your Divorce" approach of: well ok, I can see that you have made a decision and I will abide by it. I said that while I felt I was willing to do anything to save our marriage that I just couldn't do the work of divorce, so that I was going to count on him to do the work needed for us both. And then I didn't do anything OVERT, tho I admit to trying some things covertly throught the therapist.
Well, all it did was piss him off. I was the fixer and HOW DARE I not do this one last thing. He really expected me to do the work of it. For a long time there was a stalemate. He didn't file, wouldn't give me paperwork so that I could see where our finances were headed, etc. Meanwhile the therapist was trying to get X into therapy. But then all hell broke lose with some unfortunate (or planned) disasters that ended up with him accusing me of all sorts of crazy stuff (trying to poison him comes to mind.) And all this was just excuses for not facing his own issues, but it really damaged our relationship forever. He finally filed (I think the OW forced the issue), the lawyer did the rest to make hostility as high as possible. He used the 'excuses', the accusations to justify his trying to get everything he could money wise and still be a nice guy.
SO: just in my case, the waiting for Godot didn't work out well and just increased the anger and resentment. Perhaps there are 1000s of situations where the waiting worked out beautifully, but I write this just as a warning: the PA walkaway is a very DIFFERENT type of person: the blame, the smoldering anger/resentment, the years of conflict avoidance...I think we are dealing with a live wire situation and whatever we do or don't do is seen as controlling. Sorry to sound so pessimistic, and again, this is but ONE example.
Can't offer advice, only prayers that your cases will be different.
