I'm back--and feeling a little more rejuvenated from my absence from the BB and for concentrating on my life away from the BB (including my family life and work). No focusing on the past. I'm reluctant to link the old thread here, but will do so for future posters to follow:
I've used the time away to focus on myself and my girls--and that included a quick trip back to VA to attend my college reunion (which was totally lame).
New perspectives is the theme song here because I am so pleased to see how you guys handled the communication breakdown. What an inspiring story, and I realized that it is a breakthrough for everyone (including me) because we all learned something from the mess.
I learned by not posting. You see, I'm a born mediator. My family put me in the position from a very young age to sort out problems. It burns me out, but I've always felt that someone must be the diplomat and look for solutions. This time, I learned by stepping back and forcing myself to walk away from this. And look at all the wonderful gains made on the diplomacy front.
And don't get me wrong... I sort of like being the mediator. It forces me to see things from different views and to look for solutions that appease all parties when possible. Mr. Wonderful accused me for a very long time of playing the devil's advocate, and I agreed with him. However, I think I should be fair to myself and say that it is my mediation skills that force me to see more than one view.
I was paid a compliment by some folks at my reunion this past weekend... people I had not seen in 10 years. My pals and I were outside talking to a woman who lived above me freshman year and 2 more guys. Long story, but one of the guys was married to the girl's roommates (and has 3 children with her) and was attending with XW (they are friends) and his new male partner--who happen to live part time in Denver.
We headed into a potentially HAIRY discussion. The kind of discussion that divides people. There were a few opposing views and I could see that both camps were a little unsure. The mediator in me came to the surface full force and by the end of this convo, everyone was laughing. (Okay, I have a flair for the dramatic and the hilarious, and the humor really helped.) The woman ended up speaking up and said, "Betsey, now I remember why I liked you so much in college. You have a talent for getting people to respect other opinions."
I thanked her, and immediately started thinking of my hiatus here and how it affected me.
What I see here is diplomacy working very well.
You all attempted to first understand before you forced others to understand you. That, friends, is the finest form of validation a person can offer. You don't have to agree on the points and values, but you can respect each other's differences.
Pam, you asked how I could be so tolerant. Well, my family knows that I haven't always been this way. We had words over non-English speaking retail clerks over the weekend, and I was finally able to explain myself so that my family could see I wasn't down on that group of people. (But, yes, I am very griped to head into Walmart and talk to a clerk who clearly doesn't understand what I'm saying.) I had to work at this issue. It boiled down to something very simple:
Tolerance comes from respect. If I don't respect myself, I cannot respect others either.
I want people to respect me, but in order for that to happen, I must act respectfully toward them as well.
Now I don't have any news to report about Mr. Wonderful. I have prayed for more patience so that I find my own answers while Mr. Wonderful seeks deep in his soul for his own.
In the meantime, my girls are doing well and we're all healthy and happy. What more can I ask for?
Life is good, you guys. My glass is half full and I'm more than ready to have a fun summer. Last year, I spent most of it worried about what was going to happen to me and my family. This year, I have shed the burden of worry by giving it to God and have a hopeful attitude.
Now, I must finish up here, make a few more posts and get home to see D7, whom I haven't seen since Thursday. We're going to the pool! It's hot here today and we're going to cool off by doing something fun.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Well, Mer and Betsey are both home. All is right with my world!
Well, Betsey, can you believe I held down the fort while you were gone??? You know, it was a good thing you weren't here to come to my rescue. I certainly would have let you, and I wouldn't have stepped it up. I gave a lot of thought to a lot of different perspectives. I was really impressed with Deb for the way everything was finally handled. So, all's well that ends well. (almost, anyway). What a difference a week makes! My ocean is warm and friendly. I am loving it! Who knows what next week will bring, but I'll worry about that when it happens.
Now, Betsey, quit traveling so much! That is, until you are ready to come visit a couple of really cool chicks that live in the mid-west. (Their names rhyme with Ham and...and...uh, o.k., nothing rhymes with Meredith!)
Glad all is well with the girls. Glad you're back!
More sloppy kisses for ya! Oh, you too, Mer. I wouldn't leave my "soul mate" out!
Quote: That, friends, is the finest form of validation a person can offer. You don't have to agree on the points and values, but you can respect each other's differences.
Amen to that. Too many people don't think that way and that's what's wrong with the world. H and I used to be like this each one of us had to be right. Now I realise and I hope I'm helping him realise that we both can have our points of view and still be friends.
Thanks again for putting everything in perspective
God bless
Always questioning???
Not always sad!!!
Joanne
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. Albert Einstein
ah yes, the water is warm - mind if i join you for a dip in this refreshing water???
ahhhhhh
i too must join the others bets and say welcome back to the apartment - you sure were missed
here i sit in west palm beach (oh the life) and read with joy in my heart at the outcome of a potentially dangerous situation
i, like others, am extremely impressed with the way everyone came up to bat and fought the fear to speak up and be heard
i, like others, learned that i DO NOT indeed NEED to control an outcome by BUTTing in
i, like others, learned to step back and to LET GO
i, like others, learned once again that you cannot judge a book by it's cover - for when given the chance people really do let their inner most values come to fruition (is that a word?)
i thank the lord everyday for pointing me in the direction of this board, because whether or not i participate daily, i LEARN from it daily - and THAT my friends is a treasure that cannot be purchased
so i might not be active participant, but i sure as heck am still learning
i thank the lord everyday for pointing me in the direction of this board, because whether or not i participate daily, i LEARN from it daily - and THAT my friends is a treasure that cannot be purchased
Betsey 
Slowly 
