H is home! Marriage wins!

[totite]

Hi all,

Well, the funeral is over and life is settling back down. Our schedules are still out of whack a bit, but H going back to work and kids going to vacation bible school this week should help.

In among all the family dealings, I had two, possibly three, new consulting gigs come my way. I am not sure that I can even do all of them. This working out of my home is really taking off!

I just have to keep enforcing with everyone that I do have to work - and they need to support that. It will get easier (I hope) when school starts again. S3 (4 next week) will start preschool 3 days a week, so I will have some more running to do, but also more hours by myself to get work and things done.

Last night, I woke up to find H sleeping out on couch. Then S6 crawled in with me. I couldn't get back to sleep as right away the nagging feeling of "now what" enters in my brain. I asked H why he was out there and he said he couldn't get comfortable. I commented that I couldn't sleep with him gone, but didn't say that it is because I worry about something being wrong with us.

I will let him know my worries tonight. I sometimes think I have made it so easy for him to come back - and I want to - but I also need to let him know when I get scared that old feelings, behaviors or patterns are emerging.

I saw a sign on a church today that said, "Forgiving is painful, but not forgiving is more painful."

I think that is so true. I have forgiven H for leaving and for his EA. Now I need to insert the word "forgetting" into that statement and do the same thing. When H moved home, I told him I could forgive his actions, but forgetting them would take longer. In fact, my post to Dagny touches on that today.

I really believe that those of us with success in getting our WAS home, owe it to everyone to post the mundane things that keep the new R going and growing. Most of the DBing stuff is geared toward getting your H (or W) home, but once they get home, the tips and resources aren't as plentiful. Oh, the DB things still apply, but you have to take them to a new level.

I think this is especially true if you are the one who has done the DBing and reading. My H didn't DB, hasn't read the books that I am aware of, so are his expectations now different from mine? Coming from a different, non-DB, perspective? Oh well, onward and onward!

Life is surreal, the "one year ago" thoughts try to enter in, but I am determined not to relive the past year by marking each of those things. I am more interested in making new memories and traditions.

I continue to "live as if" and work on me. I need to keep up the work I began around the house and friendships I renewed that supplied me strength. Also, I need to keep providing support to the BB family as it did for me!