I feel like I am boring you guys with the mundane, but here goes:
It has been pretty busy around here this week with the kids in swimming lessons and softball wrapping up.
My H and his buddies cut down two of the four trees in our backyard last night. Afterwards they sat outside and chatted, and I joined them. And I actually felt comfortable in doing so. In the past, I felt like I wasn't wanted out there by my H, and last night he included me in the conversation and when his friends were talking - he talked to me.
Things are looking up in the conversation area all around. Another reconnect that is happening and so welcome!
We had already reconnected via ML - and now via conversations. I wonder what reconnect will happen next? Maybe a combo of those two and I will hear ILY again?
My birthday is Saturday and his is a week from Sunday.
I am considering giving him his wedding ring with a card saying that I gave him this almost 13 years ago and would like him to have and wear it again. Any thoughts?
Otherwise I might wait and give it to him on our anniversary in November. He'd have been home 6 months by then.
I am not expecting much for my b-day as I am taking the boys to the annual family golf tourney for my family. We are going out Friday night and coming back Saturday afternoon.
H is finishing up the other two trees with his buddies - they stand 50 ft tall and need to be carefully dropped so they don't hit the house, or swingset, or shed, or...
My D9 is going to a slumber-birthday party for a school friend on Friday night so it is just the boys and I heading to the tournament. Should be fun - I may even golf for the first time in at least 3 or 4 years.
Anyway, for the most part things are going well. I have to remember that the need for patience continues. I would like an ILY and a night out just for us, but can't and won't expect it to happen overnight.
I keep "living AS IF" and leaning on my BB friends when I need to - thanks all!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
The boys and I were out of town most of the day, but came back to find that D9 and H had bought steaks to grill for dinner, a beautiful bunch of flowers and a gift certificate to a day spa!
Update:
Tough week as I woke up with a killer sore throat and swollen glands on Sunday. I am still pretty sore today but have managed to take it easy a little bit.
My H ended up taking MIL to ER last night. She was confused yesterday. We hope it is just her meds. They kept her overnight but didn't find anything. Now he is at a different hospital with her because his aunt had a major stroke yesterday afternoon and it isn't looking good.
I am just trying to provide him with love and support. We took a nap (and yes ) this afternoon while he waited for his mom to rest prior to going to the hospital.
He is coming home to take the kids to ball practice so I can rest some more. That is unless something else develops at the hospital.
We just keep on building our partnership in this thing called parenting, life and love. It is still surreal at times. I continue to work on the goals I set for myself when all of this started.
Will do more journaling later but have to run as S6 and his friend are tormenting S3 - I hear crying....
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
So sorry to hear of all the happenings going on right now.
{{{{totite & H}}}}}
Your birthday sounds nice and it does sound as if you and H are making it through some stressful times supporting one another and not what happens sometimes when stress in abundance enters lives.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Yesterday was my H's birthday. The timing wasn't right for giving him back his wedding ring though - so I think that will have to wait until our anniversary in November.
It has been stressful as we wait for his aunt to die. They moved her to a hospice on Saturday. I took the kids there to see her one last time - on the way to their last ball game of the season-ending tournament.
My H is close to this aunt and her kids are our age. Her son was our best man. He is in town so H has been spending time with him and his two sisters whenever he can. It is really just a matter of time until this aunt's heart gives out. She had a bad stroke last week and they stopped IV's and meds - so time will take its toll on her previously bad heart soon.
The kids are aware of what is happening, but kids 3,6 and 9 are affected in different ways. I used to take them over swimming with this aunt because her complex has a pool. They will miss that.
This aunt and uncle spend Christmas with us as their kids are either out of state or with the other side of their family. So we will feel the impact of this loss for a long time. We also did Easter together and an annual camping trip among other things.
My H doesn't like death (who does, but I have the philosophy that it is part of life), and doesn't like wakes or funerals. So here we are all day yesterday praying that she doesn't die on his birthday. You see, his uncle and godfather was buried 4 years ago on his birthday.
My H isn't big into birthdays, but that would have been hard to take. So the kids and I made him a fish cake (cut the cake into a fish shape and made silver frosting - even took an extra piece and made a on the side of it's belly!). I cooked roast with all the fixings. The kids bought and wrapped him presents from the sporting goods store. We had a small party and kept things light.
THis is such a welcome change from a year ago - as he moved out between our birthdays (8 days apart).
I kind of blew it in that when he came to bed he reached for me, but I was just about asleep and didn't respond. Then I fell asleep. I did wake him up this morning though and apologized for being so sleepy last night. I even had a new lacy black number on - and mentioned it to him so he knows I was sincere if exhausted.
There are definately moments when we are tested. For example, the kids had an 8 a.m. game on Saturday, I got up and ready, then woke them up. Then I was getting them ready, fed and out the door - all while H only took care of himself. This is a source of frustration for me and leads to anger. So I take the kids to the ballpark and on the way realize that the kids didn't bring water. I called home and didn't get an answer, so I called my H's cell phone and left a message - kind of smart a&&ed. He called back and asked me if I had an attitude. I did but just told him I was giving him a hard time. Whew - got through that one, he brought them water and it was done. BUt it is moments like that that I need to remind myself to ask for what I want - not to fume about it silently.
So later on that day, I mentioned that in the future it would be helpful if he helped in getting them ready to go to activities because we were less likely to forget or be late. Haven't tested it yet - but time will tell.
Another thing, H wasn't sure that kids needed to go see aunt at hospice. However, my concern is that they hear someone close to them is sick and then the next time they see them is at the wake. So when their grandparents are sick sometime, they will be afraid they will die too?
The kids were actually a welcome site at the hospice. My S3 and S6 went up to her and touched her hand and said hi. My D9 sat in the room for a bit and then went outside. Upon her return the nurse was in there so she asked if it was "appropriate" for her to be back in the room - I was so proud of her! I don't want them to dread these things like their dad does.
I think this comes from losing my B3 when I was 9. It gave me an appreciation and understanding that carries with me even now.
Anyway, our R is being tested by things outside of our R - does that make sense? DBing will see me through.
H has also taken on more responsibility at work so I am trying to offer more support in that regard. His stress level will increase and while he may not show it there, I know he will be tired and need extra TLC at home.
Well, how is that for boring....
I am glad that this journaling might help someone - DNO found similarities in our sitches that might help her as her H draws closer.
So pardon the rambling, but know that it helps me to journal and others too!
Pray for us this week as we mourn the loss of H's aunt will you?
Thanks
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Quote: There are definately moments when we are tested. For example, the kids had an 8 a.m. game on Saturday, I got up and ready, then woke them up. Then I was getting them ready, fed and out the door - all while H only took care of himself. This is a source of frustration for me and leads to anger. So I take the kids to the ballpark and on the way realize that the kids didn't bring water. I called home and didn't get an answer, so I called my H's cell phone and left a message - kind of smart a&&ed. He called back and asked me if I had an attitude. I did but just told him I was giving him a hard time. Whew - got through that one, he brought them water and it was done. BUt it is moments like that that I need to remind myself to ask for what I want - not to fume about it silently.
Can I ever relate to this! When H and I were at S4's tball game, H would say "S needs this" go take it to him or "go tell S this" "yell at S to stand up" and I'm thinking why don't you just tell him. Do you think it goes back to the way their mother's raised them? I know my mom did everything for my Bro's and they had to learn the hard way when they got married. I tell my SS that it's better learn it now and get used to doing it than learing after he gets married.
Sounds like everything is going great for you two. My H has never worn a wedding ring, he didn't like the plain gold ban I bought him for him and I never got a replacement. I will get him one down the road, just not sure when.
I like the fish cake idea, my H's 50th is in December and I'm planning a surprise party for him..ssshhhhh.
Quote: BUt it is moments like that that I need to remind myself to ask for what I want - not to fume about it silently.
Boy have you hit the nail on the head! I realize when I am fuming, somewhere hidden in the fuming is something I could have been doing to help offset this drama! A continuing learning process.
Sorry for all the hardships you two are facing, but glad H has you to turn to.
I finally couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer and blurted out one night when he was going to put his ring back on. He was waiting for valentine's day as a present (I later found out), but instead said, whey don't you go get it and put it on. Goes back to the ask for what you want.
) this afternoon while he waited for his mom to rest prior to going to the hospital.