Hi Mooka

Something resonated with me when I read about the blow up. If you look at my thread, which has just been locked, you'll see that something similar happened with me. I was away for the weekend, and when I got D to call her Dad for a chat and the cell phone reception was bad, H asked for the phone to be passed to me and really let fly. He was obnoxious. I just calmly told him that I couldn't continue to be spoken to like that and disconnected. Didn't get back to him at all. Got D to call him the Sunday night when we returned home. I found two horrible emails waiting for me. I didn't respond to them. The next day, H calls and apologises for the way he behaved.

I'm not saying I wasn't upset, I was hopping mad, just didn't have a go at H in any way.

I have been thinking that I should be the same way with D too. She has a rudeness and attitude problem when dealing with me, intermittently. Each time it happens I get mad, lecture, shout, punish etc. I think next time I will just walk away and refuse to deal with whatever it is she is saying or wants. Just as simple as that. She might get the message faster or better. Clearly 'reacting' each time is not getting me anywhere. And as you say, (or was it Nik? ) when we open our mouths at these moments, we only pour petrol on the flames and say things we regret. My D feels justified in feeling angry at my return 'bad behaviour'. A dangerous tunnel!!

And really, this sort of outburst is SO much to do with THEIR frame of mind and not ours, why do we feel the need to react? We need to distance ourselves and quit taking it personally. Perhaps validate by saying, "Boy, you really are mad!", or saying absolutely nothing at all.

Hang in there! Buckets of validation about H's difficult work situation should also get him feeling as if you are on his side.

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates