You know...I have not gotten an "official" apology for Hs past behaviors/treatment toward me when he was in the "ALIEN" mode. He did say he never wanted to hurt me again like he had this past year....that was last May, right around when he started pursuing me again. For a while....it was really bugging me...even made an issue of it at the end of our vac in Sept...which put him on the defensive and caused another blow-out. Then, something someone said here on the BB opened my mind up some (can't remember who )...the jist being....DO NOT pressure them for the apology or words....let them come around at their own timeframe. Just pay attention to their behavior,, actions, efforts in working on the M and R. Well, DUH....my H is totally there in his actions toward me. No doubts at all in my mind....each week he is warmer, more considerate, affectionate, more communicative, making future plans, travel ideas, retirement dreams....all of the above. No ILYs yet....but I feel even that is very close. So....I'm a chillin' on the major apology.... Actions speak louder than words.
I've got a peace about it now....and my love bank is filling up. And I am trying to keep his full too. It's all good....it took a while to get into the ugly hole...so it will take a while to get up to the mountain top.
I have thought long and hard, and don't feel that I am denying myself this....I am ok.
BTW....had a wonderful week-end with my 2 best friends here....and they felt the connection with me and H. They were so happy for us. We had a long talk one night, and started reviewing the last year's events....my H, me and one of the gf. It was such a warm, lving talk....and H said some kind things to her about me....my strength in character to be patient with his need to sort his stuff out....he also again, acknowledged the pain he put me through. It was the first time he opened up with anyone except me on our R. It was like a counseling session. Then he and I have talked since....we are turning another corner.
We are going away this week-end for my b-day....a long week-end to our ole stomping grounds on the west coast...where we first met, fell in love, got married. Can't wait.
(can't remember who 
)...the jist being....DO NOT pressure them for the apology or words....let them come around at their own timeframe. Just pay attention to their behavior,, actions, efforts in working on the M and R. Well, DUH....my H is totally there in his actions toward me. No doubts at all in my mind....each week he is warmer, more considerate, affectionate, more communicative, making future plans, travel ideas, retirement dreams....all of the above. No ILYs yet....but I feel even that is very close. So....I'm a chillin' on the major apology.... Actions speak louder than words.
