Thanks to you and Betsey for the warm thoughts & prayers....I went in to the Dr. yesterday...called and he took me in, I wanted to get it over with. Well....it looks very good for me....just found a pollup...not a big deal, he thought, and all the other cells appeared normal under his special scope/light. So...already feeling much better.
On the H note....he came home last night (it had been a week)...he was warm, friendly, in good spirits. He was cuddly in bed last night and this morning ...alls well....Mooka is chillin. I am relieved, and am, AGAIN...realizing how easy it is for me to go into a neg. spiral....re: Hs behaviors. Geez....sorry to let myself go there. Sometimes we are our worst enemies....mentally. H was kind, loving...and talking about all our plans the next 2-3 months.
I love this BB....I may be on it the rest of my life....just a great place to vent/air out thoughts and internal issues. And such great support. THANK YOU!!
Good day Mooka, Glad to hear the good news from the doc.
... and that all is back to norm for Mooka.
... and no need to apologize ... we don't think you're an different from the rest of us. You're bound to have an off day or two every now and again. Just wait it out and most times it will pass. Its when we see a pattern starting to establish that then we need to come up with a solution.
... and whenever you need help with that ... don't be shy ... just air it out here for as long as it takes ... oh boy ... did a picture just pop into my head ...
Could you imagine us still coming to the bb seeking advise in our eighties?! If we all could be so lucky ... making M's so happy that we still work on them for all those years.
Hey KAW....thanks for the reassurance....and knowing this is such a safe place to let it go. Man oh man....your sound advice to take a few days and let it pass was good!! Cuz...things are going rather smoothly with H. It feels like we are on the same track again.
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Could you imagine us still coming to the bb seeking advise in our eighties?! If we all could be so lucky ... making M's so happy that we still work on them for all those years.
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Y'know....I think I can see that in our futures...Funny thought
Well looking forward to a nice week-end. We are going to see our S in college and go to a football game with him, see his frat and have dinner. Should be fun...tho a long drive, 3 hrs each way. Oh well, road trips are good times for conv. Our D will be with us too.
Thanks for your reply on my thread. Yes, that is the question whether I see something in H or not. Can I email you? What is your email? mine is: nikatnight04@yahoo.com
Just wanted to update and catch up with some of you. Had a nice week-end....went to see S in college, caught the football game, had dinner, talked with the kids about X-mas plans, etc. Sunday...more family time....our D22 is home now fulltime....graduated and start her job in a week. H and I don't have much of our own time...but will when she starts her job.
He was pleasant yesterday....said something curious to our D while I was cutting his hair out on the deck...he said... "Now this is a realy act of love, watch how your Mom does this"...and he repeated it again. I smiled and said, yeah, I'm pretty good at this, huh?
Now that is the first time he has mentioned the "L" word in regards to me in a long time. He says it often to our kids...but neither of us have mentioned it to each other.
I tried to be affectionate last night in bed....he was more into the movie...so I rolled over and went to sleep. He asked me later if I was ok....I said ya fine.
I need more affection than he gives at times...but I'll continue to be patient on that one. Gotta still build the trust day to day, I guess.
He also said he was coming home at a decent hour tonight...even tho his work collegues are going out to dinner....he said he was passing on that.
We head out of town Fri as a family to the east coast for a wedding...we are all looking forward to seeing his side of the family, haven't seen them all together in 2 yrs.
Well, off for a walk with the dog before my day begins.
Slowly....yes the plans are already in process....and the countdown to the B-day has started!
My 2 deaarest friends of all friends, from the West coast are here visiting this week-end. We are truely sisters, been very close since we were 20. We all turn 50 this year...and we are all looking great!!! So 30 yrs of friendship.
Anyway....they are here...for a long week-end...and we are having too much fun! My H was with us for dinner the first night...then he is out of town for a day and a half for work. They know all the issues we've had and have been my main supports the past year or so....along with all my DB buds. Anyway....they really see the connection the H and I have rekindled....they sensed his love and respect for me....and flirtacious ways at dinner...and sensitivity. H really has turned the corner...and willing to be with people that KNOW our journey. We don't talk openly with them..in details...but it's understood. My friends were very impressed with H and that he's back on track. That feels really good to have that validated by the ones that know me best.
On the actual date, we are going out to dinner. (?) Then for the long week-end, H and I are going to Oregon....where we first met, fell in love, married, etc...down memory lane. Just the 2 of us. We haven't been there in 16 yrs. The following week-end my sis and her H are coming to visit us from out of town.....the the celebration will be a 3-week one...how lucky am I????
God is working wonders in my life....giving it to Him it the only way to go.
I'm just wondering whatever happened...did you ever get any apology for his past behaviors???and does it matter to you?? My H seems to be trying to erase all that happened and I am still reeling.....an apology would be nice but what I really want is acknowlement for his having been sooooo disrespectful of me and callous towards me. I don't think I will ever get it. He says share my feelings but when I do start to tell him how I feel he shuts me down saying I am immature and regressive( that's what I get for marrying a Ph.D.)He seems to only focus on whatever his feeling were at the time and wants to ignore even those.
iF YOU DID GET SOMETIME OF ACKNOWLEDGMENT, what did it do for you? Thanks! I miss everyone here on the bb!! Trish (Cycler 28)
You know...I have not gotten an "official" apology for Hs past behaviors/treatment toward me when he was in the "ALIEN" mode. He did say he never wanted to hurt me again like he had this past year....that was last May, right around when he started pursuing me again. For a while....it was really bugging me...even made an issue of it at the end of our vac in Sept...which put him on the defensive and caused another blow-out. Then, something someone said here on the BB opened my mind up some (can't remember who )...the jist being....DO NOT pressure them for the apology or words....let them come around at their own timeframe. Just pay attention to their behavior,, actions, efforts in working on the M and R. Well, DUH....my H is totally there in his actions toward me. No doubts at all in my mind....each week he is warmer, more considerate, affectionate, more communicative, making future plans, travel ideas, retirement dreams....all of the above. No ILYs yet....but I feel even that is very close. So....I'm a chillin' on the major apology.... Actions speak louder than words.
I've got a peace about it now....and my love bank is filling up. And I am trying to keep his full too. It's all good....it took a while to get into the ugly hole...so it will take a while to get up to the mountain top.
I have thought long and hard, and don't feel that I am denying myself this....I am ok.
BTW....had a wonderful week-end with my 2 best friends here....and they felt the connection with me and H. They were so happy for us. We had a long talk one night, and started reviewing the last year's events....my H, me and one of the gf. It was such a warm, lving talk....and H said some kind things to her about me....my strength in character to be patient with his need to sort his stuff out....he also again, acknowledged the pain he put me through. It was the first time he opened up with anyone except me on our R. It was like a counseling session. Then he and I have talked since....we are turning another corner.
We are going away this week-end for my b-day....a long week-end to our ole stomping grounds on the west coast...where we first met, fell in love, got married. Can't wait.
If we all could be so lucky ... making M's so happy that we still work on them for all those years. 
(can't remember who 
)...the jist being....DO NOT pressure them for the apology or words....let them come around at their own timeframe. Just pay attention to their behavior,, actions, efforts in working on the M and R. Well, DUH....my H is totally there in his actions toward me. No doubts at all in my mind....each week he is warmer, more considerate, affectionate, more communicative, making future plans, travel ideas, retirement dreams....all of the above. No ILYs yet....but I feel even that is very close. So....I'm a chillin' on the major apology.... Actions speak louder than words.