Hey Slowly....what's the date in Oct? Mine's the 13th.
Just need to rant and air some thoughts here on the BB....just when I think things are going smoothly in my life....
2 things....
#1 - I was gone for the long week-end helping out my 81 yr old Mom with her condo, bills, etc. This is something I do periodically since she's been a widow, along with my sis. Anyway....H was out of town last wk Tue-Fri, I left Fri got home last night...H is gone again until tonight. So, after a nice 2 week vac, we've been apart for over a week....which we've done a lot of over the past several yrs. Anyway...H calls about every other day....not every day like he used to. He asks me to call him on the week-end. I do....we are pleasant together, talking superficial, but pleasant. Anyway....last night d picks me up at the airport and proceeds to tell me that she was worried about her dad (H) Sat night....cuz he went into the city and said he'd be home around 8:30pm...he even mentioned to me on the phone Sun morning that he worked and then spent some time with a female colleague (that he's told me lots about over the past year....she's M, 2 kids, lives in Seattle and works for him....comes here often). She is the one he has confided in about "US"....mind you she is NOT the OW from the past. Since he was/is open with me about her....I've been cool, not really felt any jealously, etc. Well, he didn't get home until 11pm (45 min drive from the city)...and our D was really worried. She had left him 2 VM wondering why he hadn't called, etc. She had called me on the west coast, but my cell was out of range....so I knew nothing about all this.
H told me the next day that D wasn't feeling good, but she was doing ok. He did tell me he saw this WF Sat....again, I was cool.
OK, now.....I am starting to freak a little. Trying oh-so-hard not to let my mind go crazy....thinking about the past with OW and alll his vagueness.....his lying by omition kind of stuff.. He gets in late tonight....hasn't talk with me since Sun morning....
ON our talks over the week-end, tho....he did talk about our plan for my B-day....I got the airline tickets...he said "if that's what I want to do...he will make it fun." Not as supportive than prior conversations. We have plans to go see S at his Frat this Sat....plans for a family wedding the following week-end, friends visiting in early Oct.....etc. So....I should let that Sat night incident go...act "as if"????? I am churning inside, but really don't want to bring any of it up. Is that playing games? Can I pretend? He reads me well when something is bugging me. I don't know. I think my C would say, leave it ALONE....be confident....appreciate what IS happening that is good. Look for the pos. It's so easy when deeply hurt....to read too much into stuff. But it really bugs me that he'd spend Sat night (personal time) with WF and not our D.
#2 - My pap came back a few weeks back with the wrong #s. So tomorrow I go in for a more extentive test/scrape....and I'm beginning to let that worry me. I haven't told anyone, cuz I didn't think it was a big deal. Then my Dr called this morning to go over the exam tomorrow....and said that he got lots of bad cells on the pap. He got me worried. He doesn't have the greatest communication skills, tho. So I've got to keep that in check.
My mind is stressed.....I'm not the calm, easy going Mooka I used to be....yes on the exterior.....but not on the inside.
Just needed a place to air out thoughts. Time to check on all of you.
