I knw what u mean about the balance. U asked me in my thread if I ML while S? Yes nitaf, we ML a lot and it seems that every chance that we are together, even quiclie sometimes . I dont get to see him often though now he makes a point to come and see me every weekend.
I dont necessarily think that ML while S is a good thing but at least I think in my M it has helped or maybe helped a lot. My H complained that he didnt get enuf S** in our M so there he goes. I tried to show him that he is irresistable and I cant get my hands off him. I think he likes it a lot. My H is the type of man who likes to be adored and pampered and PT is his LL.
On the question of pursuing and backing off, i think deb has elaborate it beautifully in my thread (i think you have read it). Its a delicate balance when you cant do too much of one or the other. I tried to think of H as a friend in need, I tried to offer support, apologize if I hurt him, be undersatnding and not pressure him although I have backslid many times. I think in a way H appreciates that unless he is very blinded by his love for OW. But I tried also not to do too much of them. And know when to distance and shut it up.
I am still learning nitaf. It has been 10 mnths for me. My H wont do anything together as a family only in the 6th month. Dont take that as a yardstick, every sitch is different.
I read in one of your post that your H told your S that he will not come back. Same here. D7 used to ask H over the phone to come back home and H's answers then were, 'Dady will not come home'.
there will be light finally nitaf, dont you forget that...
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
