Haven't posted to you before but have followed your thread off and on for a while.
Hiya In4Ride! Nice to meet you!
From an outsider's view, it does look like a control issue with H trying to resist prove, consciously or likely not, that you having too much control over the R (him, really). I'm a controliholic also, and my H is P/A.
I think many of us would agree that you have a right to be unhappy with your H staying away from home all night, so you've got that. You're right! And as someone smarter than I am has said, that's all you get - being right. Now you've got to deal with the reality of the sitch, and start thinking in different ways, i.e., (from Susan Price's book):
"H's role is to go out and have fun with friends and stay out all night, and when he does this, Phoenix's role is to be unhappy and get clingy." OR "Phoenix's role is to be unhappy and clingy, and when she does this, H's role is to go out and have fun with friends and stay out all night."
Thank you for the validation that It's ok for me to not be happy about him spending the night out. I appreciate that.
And I like the way you posted about the roles. That points out something to me actually.
Version number 2 is the way it used to be.
I was needy/clingy...and he'd escape to hang out with friends.
THAT's the reason for my statement of, "Nothing's changed!" In actuality it had. We just flipped the cycle. He went out and THEN I got needy/clingy. Hey...this is progress!!
I like your suggestions. And you'll be proud of me because I've actually taken a step towards taking care of myself.
I've set up an appointment with the Massage Spa and Salon that is located on the street that I work on. I've been eyeing that sign for a few months now, but not doing anything about it.
Well, I have an appointment this thurs!
I've told husband that I had an appointment so that if he didn't want to wait for me he could drive himself into work that day.
He asked what the appointment was for, and I told him it was my version of a camping trip. Secret stuff.
He understood and was happy for me.
And I'm feeling happy and excited.
(psst...don't tell husband but I'm getting my legs waxed. Something that I know will make me feel good about myself and make me feel sexy!)
I appreciate that.
