Haven't posted to you before but have followed your thread off and on for a while.
From an outsider's view, it does look like a control issue with H trying to resist prove, consciously or likely not, that you having too much control over the R (him, really). I'm a controliholic also, and my H is P/A.
I think many of us would agree that you have a right to be unhappy with your H staying away from home all night, so you've got that. You're right! And as someone smarter than I am has said, that's all you get - being right. Now you've got to deal with the reality of the sitch, and start thinking in different ways, i.e., (from Susan Price's book):
"H's role is to go out and have fun with friends and stay out all night, and when he does this, Phoenix's role is to be unhappy and get clingy." OR "Phoenix's role is to be unhappy and clingy, and when she does this, H's role is to go out and have fun with friends and stay out all night."
So what can you do to change this around?
1. Definitely act completely happy with it the next time it happens (as long as he has told you in advance, and has called you to keep you updated, etc.).
2. Maybe you can get him a cell phone and tell him it's just for emergencies and you got it for him to call you, but you won't be calling unless necessary; but just the fact that he has it makes you feel so much better because you worry about him.
3. Pick a weekend and suggest that he DO go out with his friends, that you think it would be good for him, and you would like some alone time.
4. Take his words at face value. YOU go out and have a good time with friends and forget about the time. But make sure you call him to keep HIM updated on when you'll be home (late of course).
These are just my suggestions, and I'm not suggesting these things to be done in a spiteful way, in fact the opposite. Do them with a happy and 'loving' attitude. This worked wonders with my H.
