Graduate School...Here I come!!

[Underdog]

(((((PIB)))))

Holy heck, did this encourage me to log in today (I was not planning on doing that until now).

Boy, did a bunch of really unhappy thoughts and memories come flooding through my mind for you. My PA man used to come in later than he said, but not ever did he not come home. But the core issue here (aside from his disrespectful behavior) is your question on controlling.

PIB, asking for someone to give us reassurance because of our fears IS controlling. Let me say loud and clear that I do NOT agree with his behavior, his rationale and how he handled this fiasco. Nor do I think you are unreasonable.

But the fact is that we want to live our lives being trusted by others. Granted, certain behaviors are not trusting in nature... but the fact is, he could still give you the phone number and cover his a$$ if he really wanted to be discreet.

You're a smart cookie when you say he's going to resent you for this.

HOWEVER..........

I also feel this behavior is a boundary and a deal breaker (at least for me, and I suspect it is for you). I think there is probably a way you can convey your boundary on this issue without making demands. (After all, giving you what you say you want is not going to resolve the problem, is it?)

Why not ask him what he thinks he can do to resolve this problem and see what he answers? If they are not acceptable, then you have room for negotiations or for really standing your ground.

I know for me, I would have to convey a message of feeling unloved--that it hurts to be given no consideration, whether that involves him making a phone call to tell you he's had too much to drink and will be spending the night wherever he is (and hoping that it is with MALE friends) or calling a taxi or whatever his reason for staying out all night actually was.

(((((PIB)))))

Betsey