I just want you to know that I got out of bed at 7 a.m this morning. I finished reading an ebook that I got on-line about how to get your spouse back. Then I switched over here to catch up on some threads. I read your caption about Grad school so I opened your thread and danged if you didn't lure me in. It's now 12:30 and I'm still sitting here. After several hours of reading your threads I had to skip thru to the "end" so I could post. Sheesh.
Here is my sitch...me 39, h 42, married 13 1/2 yrs, 1 d aged 11, sep since New Yr's eve. So in my effort to get on with my life and DB too I am also going back to grad school in the fall. I am going to get a master's in counseling of all things. I have been in so much pain this past year that I really want to reach out and help others feel better. Know what I mean? Of course, it sure would help if I could DB my marriage back together so I could have a real success story but either way, I am doing this for me.
I am so inspired by all the goals you set and how you documented all your baby steps. Considering the work you put into this BB you shouldn't have any trouble in grad school.
Right now my contact with h isn't that great. Yeah, I have to see him all the time because of d but he doesn't really contact me just for the sake of seeing or talking to me. I think I scared him off after the first few months doing all the wrong things...crying, begging, trying to reason. Then I started making changes which he liked but he didn't trust. He'd say things like he hoped I was doing it for me and not for him or why didn't I do this 10 yrs ago, like it's too late now. He's coming up with all his excuses for not coming back including his saying he "cares" about me but he won't say ILY. Funny, he won't say he DOESN'T love me either. He just says "when's the last time I told you ILY? See, there you go, there's your answer." I wonder if he really does love me and that's why he's unable to say "Look I don't love you any more."
Also, when he first left I talked about div. He said he wasnt' ready and we were "just taking a break" so I tried to get him back and then he ran (you know how they do when you show your love) so now I am doing nothing. I am not calling him except for d, I am not asking to talk about R (even though he always came over to talk about R when I asked him to in the past) and I am just getting on with doing stuff for me. I don't think he fears he will lose me and maybe right now he half wonders/hopes that he would lose me just so he could see how it feels. Who knows?
So anyway, so glad to hear you got your h back. It really does sound like you had to do a lot of work on him. I wonder if he would be willing to answer some WAS questions from us? Just so we could get his perspective?
I don't remember all that I wrote...I'm still not quite ready to go back and review my posts...
As for having my husband come post on the BB. I'm flattered you would ask. But, I prefer to not ask him to. You see the BB is MY sanctuary. I feel safe here. I've asked him to stay away so that I can continue to post without fear of him reading...and he agreed.
But, you may want to look for Ceberon and Calystra's posts. Ceb's posts really helped me understand where the Walk Away was coming from.
As for your situation with your spouse...it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Giving him space, no relationship talks. I think it's great that he noticed the changes you've made...even if he doesn't trust them...but I think if you keep giving him time, he will trust your changes!
NO, I certainly didn't expect you to allow your h to come here. I just wondered if someone here asked a question that you took to him, could he answer and have you post it here? Well, don't want to make things weird with you and your h. And besides, we might ask stuff you don't want to know. I guess it doesn't matter in the long run. Honestly, I don't want to know what my h is thinking for fear it's something bad. Right now it probably is. I don't even know which apt he lives in! He gave me back the check book last week and I didn't even open it to see what he bought. I don't even want to know. Like maybe he extended his lease and paid the rent ahead of time.
Yeah, I am keeping busy too. Just getting on with things and trying to be nice to h. I am going out to dinner tonight with a girlfriend and I asked h to take d. He said he'd be glad to so I thanked him greatly and told him what a good dad he is. I didn't offer any info about what I am doing tonight (trying to remain mysterious) and the funny thing is that he never asks. I think he's a lot like me...he just doesn't want to know (or maybe he doesn't care?)
And I just got back from the gym doing a weight lifting class. I've got some real biceps and definition in my arms. Think I'll see if d and her friends want to go to the pool today so I can get a little sun too. I've been spending too much time on these bb and I need to quit obsessing and start enjoying other things. I guess it just makes me feel like I am "working" on something which also detracts away from contacting h. Another good reason for me to look forward to going to school in the fall so I'll be busy with something else.
Nuther, what questions to you have for PIB? She has graciously answered mine when I ask her... her H has shared much of this stuff with her. And I think it helps to have her perspective since she can spin it in a manner that helps you....
Just my thoughts.
PIB, have fun in school! I'm glad it's you and not me... been there, done that and have the T-shirt, so I'm living vicariously through you now.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'm a bit overwhelmed with class. I have a whole book to read tonight after I get home from work.
Already told Husband no Everquest...he's not happy.
Nuther, absolutely ask questions, I'll do my best to answer them!
Betsy, did you feel old when you realized how young and naive your fellow students were?
Quote from a student in my class:
I object to your negative connotation of anarchists, I know some nice anarchists.
He went on to explain that these nice anarchists liberate food to give to those who deserve it.
I wanted to smack him with my copy of Atlas Shrugged...but I behaved.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. But I did get a lot out of the discussions. Definately filled up my 'socialization' tank. I even got riled up at a few things that were said. So, all in all...a wonderful first day!
Betsey 