Hi all and good morning - still not in a great mood. Last Monday (7-5-04) C called my cell and asked if she could come over to the house. My D and I were working on moving some of my things out of her storage unit to my garage. But I told her that we would love to have her over. When she got there she helped some with unloading some items then we took a break and enjoyed some wine coolers she brought. C and D also made arrangements for D to watch Buster for the rest of the week and weekend so Buster and D's puppy could get to know each other. Then after a little while we all put on our swim suits and hopped into the pool to cool off. My D had to go home to cut her grass so she left C and I there. We did a little hugging and kissing while chitchatting. Then she told me about her 4th, she said we went to see the fireworks in town and that the crowd was really bad, but that she was happy she did not have to fool with the crowd. She then stated that she watched the fireworks from a vantage point across the street in a highrise special club of some kind that cost $2500 / year to be a member of. she then was telling me that she would be out of town this weekend - We are going to Maine, did not know exactly where but since she had never been to Maine she was excited to go.
All this really put a big damper on my desire to hug and kiss. and when she finally left and gave me a hug before getting into her car, I was very lackluster and non responsive to the hug. I then turned and walked to the house without even looking back and waving good bye.
C called me later that night to see how Buster was and then said she still wanted to come over and help me with setting up my house if I wanted her to, my reply was "whatever", then stated that if she wanted to come over then she would be welcome to come.
I had some IM's on Tuesday but still kinda lack luster in response. Then on Wednesday she sent IM about court hearing with her helper. It turned out ok for now. DA said C was crazy to be there helping her but stated that it would help. I reminded C that even when a friend hurts you, you still have to stand by them if you are a true friend.
D called me and told me that C called her to check on Buster and chitchatted for a few but did not ask about me.
Kinda wonder tho, C was very happy about our weekend last month and stated just last week that she wanted us to go to more yard sells, see some DVD's we bought, and to have another great weekend like we had. And she stated that one day soon she and Buster were going to come over and spend the night with me. Yet, she goes out to some real fancy club with someone to watch fireworks and goes to Maine for the weekend. She told me on our last weekend that she was not going around "screwing" everybody out there. but does that mean that she is not physical with anybody else or only just one other?
I don't feel that I can compete with a rich friend if that is what she wants. Since the D she has been to Vagas, California, Denver, on a cruize with sisters, and now Maine, and I believe to Florida but not sure (just a hint of something she said that passed over my head at the time and I really don't remember exactly what, but later in thinking about the statement that is what I felt)
And she told me on Monday that she still goes to a local club that is a pick up joint for the 40-50 crowd but stated that she does not respond to anyone - just does the people watching thing.
I know that I am seeing positives and she is pursuing more but I feel that she may never let go of that freedom to just go, with whoever and whenever she wants. And that maked me feel like I am being used, Big time. If this feeling continues, there will come a time when I will just block her on the IM and not answer any phone calls and just remember the good times and let go of the rest. That time has not come yet tho, but it is close enough that I will not pursue or anything close to that for now. Any contact will be up to her.
