Hi Holding - Slowley it is - While I may believe that C is there - I don't believe she knows it yet and that I can easily scare her off if I start to push - Let her lead it the key - I will just keep the door open and make it inviting for her to walk in.
Bookmark Rules for Happy Living # 11 - Fill YOur life with Good. Clean out the trash and fill your life with good thoughts and good deeds. (Philippians 4:8)
Another thought from Wed night - When C asked me if I was still posting on the BB and I said yes - she said that me finding the BB was Very Good for Me. and then asked "How did you ever find it?" So it seems that even knowing that I have posted lots of details about our problems she not only did not mind it but thinks it was a good thing. I did tell her before when she first said that she read my thread that I felt that if I had not found the BB I would have long ago given up on her.
C is making her way back! This is so wonderful! Your Patience and being friendly has paid off!
Do take it slowlee, what you are doing is working! This is all so great, I'm exploding with happiness for you! Hope this doesn't mean you too will be leaving us!
You have been there for me many times! And I thank you! But, your R with C is just around the corner, so please keep us posted. You are almost there my friend!
Maybe it not such a good idea to think about things - But I have been wondering.
C had this great weekend with me a few weekends ago. Called me to come over Wednesday night and we have a great time together.
Then she tells me that she really would like me to come to a going away party for her son (going to China for 6 weeks) But that it would be really awkward in that someone else would be comming and she does not know how to get out of that but that she would really rather me be there.
My question is I wonder when she invited OG - likely after our good weekend. and if she would rather me be there then she could simply tell OG not to come.
Then after telling me that (basically that she is haveing a going away party for her son and that I am not invited) she then told me that she was comming over soon to spend the night with me. (didn't ask - just announced that she would)
Hi guy! No, not really using you...but also being self absorbed. I think sometimes we, the LBS, arent' supposed to have any feelings for the WAS to have to worry about.
But maybe, during the M, we didn't let our WAS KNOW what we were feeling aobut things. That being said, maybe, IF she brings it up again, just tell her that she confused you a bit by bringing up a going away party and then telling you it would be awkward if you went...sort of passive/aggressive ya know? So just let her know that you'd like to be there, and it kinda bothers you some that she would find it awkward, but she has a right to her own feelings...and then lie a little heehee and say that you wouldnt' feel awkward with OG there.....and let her try to digest that one! (If she is USING YOU, or trying to set you up ....that will get her going a bit and she deserves it) But if she isn't using you, she will think you have come a long way in forgiving...so either way, it might be good.
With things going so well, I am not advocating game playing per se, but sometimes we have to do or say something that triggers the WAS into realizing that we have feelings too.
And hey, when you get done with YOUR house, could ya come do a few things on my big yellow Victorian high in the Rockies? gd
Quote: if she would rather me be there then she could simply tell OG not to come.
One of the pitfalls I find myself getting into is that I tend to ASSume that the WAS has the same sane thought process that I do. They view and react to the situations in their world as viewed through a tangled, knotted, mass of confusion with only glimers of light showing. We see things so much clearer. Yes, telling OG not to come is such a clear, simple solution. C cannot see that though. She knows that is not how she wants the situation to play out, yet doesn't know how to change it. They still make choices that are very reactionary. Then struggle to correct them. We have the luxuary of being able to look at a broader, clearer picture.
Quote: Is she just using me?
I don't think so at all. Again, I think that would be just a way too complex thought process. One that they are incapable of having. Their thought processes revolve around the the very small view of the world that they can see with their blinders on. It would be difficult to have a plan of using when operating like that.
You are doing great letting her come to you. And given the above thoughts, it probably helps her see you and the situation with you clearer. When you initiate, it adds another string to the knot that she is working to get undone.
If I may, I want to thank you, water and gd1 for these last few posts. They served as a timely reminder of just how narrow the view is from the WAS's tunnel.
Further, I can tell you that my WAS in one of his better moments answered the question of did he ever consider anyone elses feelings with a flat "NO".
Everything they think concerns only them.
BTW ODGA! I'm so glad you are posting I've learned so much.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Thank you for reading and sharing with me - I have learned much too - that is what the board is here for so that we can learn from and support each other. Sometimes I feel that my post are only for my journeling, but I am very happy that others are reading and can get something out of them.
Well, I just came back from working on the new house to get my swimming suit. Just bought a set of Steps to put in the pool and I need to get in the pool to do that - This will be the first time in the pool and with the steps in I believe the pool will be totally ready to use - then I need to start on the hot tub. It is in worst shape than the pool but the seller said it did work. So I will clean it up and fill with water and check it out. ( may take a few weeks tho.
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