I sent an IM to C this morning - needed to ask her if I could park the new utility trailer at her place til I closed on the new home. she said that she was just plugging in a coffee cup warmer that I have her last week and was thinking of me. she said I could leave the trailer there on one condition - that I move her son's (our old)popup camper that he left parked in the driveway. so I took off this afternoon and took the utility over.
When I got over there she had someone over there cleaning her house - she called her over to introduce me and the lady said "you look great" and came over and instead of shaking my had said she wanted a big hug. (which I gave her) a little later her employee came in to work (one she had to fire last November - but more on that in a little bit) She said that I had lost lots of weight and that I looked great. I could tell C took all that in.
Since everybody there had cars in the drive and I could not get to the back yard to park the utility trailer and the popup C and I went to get some lunch. We did some fun chitchatting and then talked some about her employee rehire. I had noticed that C had rehired the employee about a week ago and I suggested to C that that might be a good thing as long as she watched her and did not let her do any bookkeeping. I had senced for awhile that C still was very bitter toward employee for the Breach of faith and that by letting her come back to work and forgiving her (not forgetting) that C would start the process of forgiving herself as well. Also I felt that since the employee did know the business and could give C the office support she needs so she can get out and sell and produce for the business. I told C that last week and again today at lunch. C told me that she was very supprised that there were many other of her friend that told her the same thing and encourged her with the rehire.
Our mutual bookkeeper (and C's best friend) was there as well doing some bookkeeping. On top of haveing one or two clients come by as well as having me come by made for a busy day for C and quite a change from many many days of no human contact other than the phone.
After C and I got back from lunch I moved the trailers into the storage position and then after awhile I left to go to my flying lession.
On the way I stopped by Bookkeepers office to pick up my payroll checks (she left C's about an hour before I did and went to her office) While there the convo drifted to C and her attitude and Bookkeeper said that she noticed that C was much happer and seemed to be in a better mood than before - She also said that she supported the rehire (with caution) and felt that it helped C's attitude. I told bookkeeper that I was really behind C and was likely her biggest supporter (after bookkeeper reminded me that she was a big supporter too, I said that we were likely neck and neck) I then came out and asked bookkeeper if I had a snowballs chance in H@**. She said C has to work through whatever she is in by herself but she does see improvement. But I think that in our convo she came more into my corner.
Flying went well - still waiting on my medical - (listen folks - if any of you want to start flying then don't take AD's - it will slow down the process lots - Everyone, (the FAA Dr., my Instructor, and everyone else said that I will get there but that I have to be patient. (where have I heard that before)
Did the gym after flying and can hardly move - but I feel good.
I will continue to pray for C and us (and of course all here on the bb)
Hi Ogda~ I wanted to ask you a question if you don't mind, since we are in simular sits.
When you started dating, did you tell C prior?
I have a casual date for drinks tomorrow and have this feeling like I need to tell XH. Is that weird?
I am sad at the same time. I want to call him and tell him and say that if we could just get things together. I really don't want to find someone new.
What are everyones thougths on this stage of DB'ing and how the heck to handle it.
I know that the last thing I would want would be for XH and I to see each other and have it come up that "oh yeah I've been dating for months." If that were me I would feel like Why didn't you tell me that? Or worse yet, to hear it from the kids or someone else.
Pick up the phone and just say, I wanted to let you know that while I wish you and I could work things out and start new, I'm not holding the door open. If you get to that point as well give me a call. But I have enough respect for you to let you know that I will be seeing other people.
The other weirdness I'm feeling is that if I tell XH that I have a date, it will hurt his feelings. Although he was less than concerned with MY feelings as he was having A.
XH has in round about way expressed concern that I am seeing people.
Water - remember that you are D - you do not have to tell him anything. If you feel you want to date then date for your satisfaction not to make Ex jealous. I did not tell C anything before I started dating. However, if you have much contact with Ex then I feel he will sence a change in you after you start dating and will know something is up but your private life is yours and I would not share it with him. If he ask about it (like C did) then you can use your gut feelings as to how much if any to tell but I would not go into to much detail - keep him wondering.
And as to him hearing it from the kids or other source - what do the ex's expect would happen - of course you are going to start dating, if that upsets the WAS then so be it. I feel like that is part of dropping the rope.
I am in the office now and have to go to a hearing but would like to respond more. til later tonight maybe some others will respond with some pearls of wisdom.
Just remember that whatever you do - do it for you not to get a response from someone else.
My two cents.......... H and I have been S for almost two years and we agreed to a D last summer.
He recently told me he was seeing someone. It sounds like he has been seeing her for a few months and I think she is becoming his "girlfriend" rather than someone he is just "seeing".
I think he felt the need to tell me before I heard from any one else and I appreciated it very much. I let him know I appreciated his honesty and his direct approach to the sitch!
I think it is easier to accept the ex dating when you have detached and when you know the person they are seeing came around AFTER the M was over and didn't contribute to its demise!
I think you have to look at your R with H and decide how to handle it. I felt H was being more of a "friend" by telling me and that made me feel good about our future R as friends!!
Hope this helps!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
good morning everyone - I had a kinda down day yesterday and really don't know why - lots of negitive thoughts - the positive in that is that it gave me a chance to practice the DR "thought stopping" methods.
Did hear late yesterday afternoon though that things may be comming together on the closing. We will try to do it by next Friday if not before.
From Bookmark rules for happy living no. 1 - Count your Blessings. NOt your Troubles. Other people don't need your troubles they have enough of their own. (Malachi 3:10)
With that in mind - I guess I had better start counting - as I do have many blessings.
thanks for keeping us up to date on the sitch - even tho you were down yesterday, things look very positive in your sitch
like i told t2 in a post i just wrote her - if we db ourselves we are sure to have success - you keep doing what your doing and you will end up happy
you have done ALOT over the past couple of months - buying a house is a huge undertaking emotionally - so cut yourself some slack for feeling down
i know in my case, i have to always have something to look forward to, whether its time away or some big project - when i don't have plans for the future my emotions start plummeting
maybe because closing is very close you are feeling the same way? start today in making a list (spend just 15 mintues a day the fly lady way ) of things you want to accomplish in the house, stay busy, stay focused
you are a great catch for any woman don't you ever forget that
KK and Deb - thanks for your support - was having some little problems with some of the closing requirements and one looked like a potential deal breaker but I think they will be worked out - so things are looking up some on that front
Also no contact w/ C yesterday - In talking with her at lunch on Wed I had told her that I had a date w/ my D to see Harry Potter last Friday - she said that she had wanted to see that movie and that she also wanted to see Shreak2. I told her that I also had wanted to see it and suggested that we see it together this weekend.
C looked like she was really in a bind and said she would have to check first in that she had promised to do something with Sis (one she had not seen in several months) and did not know when Sis wanted to get together but she did say she would let me know - When I left Wed afternoon she again told me that she would let me know about this weekend, but I really am not holding my breath for her to call or IM on when. (or if)
just got word from my RE agent - new date for closing is 6/23 - I really don't know if I could take it then as that is C and my anniversary. Will have to think about that for awhile.
) of things you want to accomplish in the house, stay busy, stay focused