PM talks about "resolving the past in the present", and about not dwelling on past hurts, but using them to understand the present interactions, and moving forward from there. To me this is one of its greatest points of value. According to this theory, even victims of extensive abuse can expect to recover fully and move forward. That is a powerful message of hope. For me, thinking back on my M, I can definitely see that the interactions that quickly developed between me and W, with her resisting and me trying to appease, were a direct extension of behaviors I had learned at home. It was not until I read PM and thought about it that I made the connection. For many years, I had felt "wronged" by W, and felt that I was blameless in what was going on, since after all I was trying everything I could think of, and she was just not responding. However, I now realize I was NOT trying EVERYTHING, and it wasn't until I was willing to take a stand and stick to it, no matter what, that things began to change. It's still very early in the change cycle, and way to soon to draw conclusions, but I really think we're finally on the right track. It will, of course, take a lot more work to make it stick, but I definitely have hope I didn't have before. That, and tools...
