HD v LD

[NotATLDave]

I'm going to clarify my situation because so far, most folks in this thread have mentioned that they had the ability to "pull away" or decrease their emotional connection to their spouses. I have not had that luxury...I didn't have anything to pull away because my W went for 10 years being used to me being ED. I'm in the process of rebuilding the fundamentals like love, trust, and mutual enjoyment of each other's company.

Unfortunately, for the 10 years of ED, I didn't behave too differently than I'm able to now...very kind, lots of TV time in the evening. The only difference is that I "consider" her when I make decisions, I go up to bed with her each night even if I don't stay in bed (i'm a night owl), I ask her if she needs help with something shes working on, I make the bed, and do a few extra chores around the house. Oh, and I replace the toilet paper rolls.

While I've been getting occasional sparks of connection with the recent increase in sex, she hasn't indicated that she's feeling any different now than she used to. This might be a vulnerability defense thing but from knowing her dad, I believe that she could be content with or without me. Granted, I don't want her love to come from "need" but I truly feel that if I retracted emotionally from her, she wouldn't notice or really care too much. It's starting to feel like she's simply going through the motions now and getting better at acting. It doesn't feel like were two people rediscovering love but rather a clumsy series of missteps, falls, and recoveries where the stumbling partner jumps back up and says "you didn't see that".

I'm not sure why I'm depressed...I got some sex last night.