HD v LD

[NotATLDave]

I would have ML to my husband whenever, wherever, and however he wanted if I knew it's what made him feel most loved and would increase the affection and emotional intimacy in our marriage.

I'm sorry to be a negative nigel, but eo, you are absolutely the exception to the rule here when it comes to (what I think is most of) our LDWs. The LD women who come here are already motivated for some sort of change or else they wouldn't be here. Davis, Harley and others' books are written for couples in this situation where both parties are scratching their heads. From what I've seen, a lot of us don't have the luxury of a spouse who feels like there is actually a problem in the relationship. For the past 10 years, my W told me that she absolutely loved her life and wouldn't change a thing. It wasn't until I started differentiating, and dragging her to a C, that she finally admitted that I wasn't around for her enough. Your endless profession of "ml whenever he wants" is depressing to me because I knew my W would never have that type of revelation. It sounds like you were cooked pretty thoroughly in one of Schnarch's crucibles. You have reinforced my thoughts that the best results come when you separate or move very close to divorce. I'm not certain of how your dynamics played out but the drama of your situation definitely lit a fire under your tail.