Last night H was irritated because his treadmill didn't work, evidently it got damaged with whatever happened w/our electricity...but he went for a walk and calmed down, which was reassuring.
today he is over in the building where OW is, and i havent heard much from him, I actually sent him the first email...I am so used to holding back in my "almost lrt" mode that it's now kind of scary to "go after him", but I'm going to try that and see what happens, going to start my own affair with him after he said he liked emails, and I could help him by keeping up the love notes and holding him...

I am still anxious to know he's over there with her. It will take me a long time to get past that, and I still can't believe he's come around....I don't know why I have such a hard time accepting that, if I read anyone elses thread that had my experiences of the last 10 days or so, I would be so envious.

I was going to journal a couple of comments H made in some of our discussions last weekend. They are kind of frightening, but worth remembering. He talked about having planned his suicide, having it all worked out to look like a car accident 2 different times when the roads were icy last winter....that would be easier on the children, and I would get the insurance money and it seemed most equitable. The male co-worker in the out-of-town office flat out refused to take his own car on those days and rode w/H, so H didn't carry out his plan....the co-worker must have known.

Last January or Feb, we were having fights and I ignored some of H's emails (seems like it was Feb.) H remembers that, told me with big eyes how much that upset him and shook him up and he didn't like it....interesting, I wonder if that perhaps started some of the turn-around.

H said that he told OW that if he was with her, he would be wishing he was with me and the kids.....

H also said OW has every book I do, including DR, but "being able to read them, being able to understand, and being able to do it are three separate things". Other books I have are "how to be a great lover", Romancing your husband, power of a praying wife, sex starved marriage, and one about orgasm in 5 minutes....I wonder if she has really read them all? I told H one of my biggest fears would be that OW would get DR and play the same game.

I did find a neat web site called www.RomanticIdeas.com was and got some neat, fun ideas to try to "spice things up" besides sex....I can't wait to get started....
I got the words to an old song..."still the one" (not Shania Twain's) and I'm going to type them up and laminate them, roll them up or frame them, and stick it in his cereal box so it falls out some morning as a surprise. That song's been sticking in my head lately, it feels like it was written by me, it is so exactly my feelings. Other fun ideas on that website, so I'm looking forward to starting my own affair...it's about time!!


Oh, I was packing for vacation sunday night and I found to pairs of expensive jeans I kept that I've been to fat to wear for years.....I know since S was little...I put them on and they not only fit, I'm sure I could wear a size smaller! Even H was excited for me!!!!!! (and probably for him, frankly ) I'm excited! still have a long ways to go but....I packed both pairs!

been around awhile!