Saturday, H slept in till 7! which means no getting up at 5:15 to call OW....he didn't go to the "office" either....I noticed he wasnt looking at his watch like he usually does...at one time we were hugging in our room, and I asked him if I would get to dance naked with him sometime now....(I know, I'm pretty demented from all this) and he held me really close and said "I just want to dance with you"...(h hates to dance)...I said "really!!??...and he said yes, I've realized that if I put as much energy into our R as I did the other one we could really go somewhere" DUH....but it made me happy.... we laid in bed and talked....H said it would have made it so much easier to leave if I had just thrown a big fit, but since I didn't it made him have to stop and think about what he was doing (seems like I read that somewhere)....I told him it was the hardest thing I had ever done to let him go, knowing where he was going, and he said it might have been but it was also the smartest thing I had ever done...He said it wouldn't have been the right thing to do to stop saying ILY (I debated so much) because he would have thought I didnt care and gone to OW....I told him about the t-shirt I'd found and been tempted to buy...the one that said "I try to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head up my a$$ that far", and he said "she would have just used that against you"...told him I knew, that's why I didn't get it, but I sure enjoyed it! AT one point H said I must be some sort of a saint (hasnt read my stuff here, obviously)...
I told him I wanted to help him heal, but he needs to let me know what helps....He said please keep holding me, keep sending me love notes, and I like emails. I told him I had backed off on the cards and notes etc. because I thought it would have seemed like too much pursuing before...he said he guessed it could have seemed desparate, but he needs them now....
I had bought a blank thank you card and wrote a thank you note in it and left it on his dresser before he got ready for church.....I wrote out a list of things on each side thanking him for them....had about 20....he came downstairs dressed for church and said "thanks for the card" and hugged me looking like he was going to cry.
We went to church, but I don't think he went to confession...he told me he was going to the restroom and was gone quiet a while, but I had my eyes closed praying, so I suppose he could have then but he wasnt gone that long....I would feel better if he had, but that is something he will have to handle.
