So much happened last night and this morning that I need to post to be able to recall it well enough to sort through it all....It's already a blur...so, here goes:
Last nite I got home at 9:30 to S11 home alone crying hysterically, H gone walking because he was upset and the airconditioner broken. Asked S what was going on, and he said his dad bought a phone card on the way home and called OW and he was so upset that he went to his dad before he called crying uncontrollably and asked him "is it over?" his dad answered "almost, it will be soon", went downstairs and called her, S heard his dad say "there is no other option" angrily, then his dad came upstairs and said "it's over now"....poor S was still so upset, his first words when I came in the door were "Can this family at least stay together long enough to go on vacation"....so obviously S wasnt convinced....
When H got home, we tried to no avail to get AC going, then went to bed. When we were going to bed, I calmly asked H what was going on w/OW, he got defensive and said "why", I said "I know you called her tonight and you've told me for the last 4 days everything, including phone calls, is all over". H said "do you want me to leave, because the options are either I'm here or I'm there, and I've chosen to be here". I just put my arm around him and said "I love you"....and H said "it is all over now, it's been "finishing things up stuff this week, and it's been a long, ugly awful ride. She is a loud mouth, mean a$$ and I'm sick of it. I'm going to go to confession Saturday so I can put this all behind me and get on with life". and we both kind of drifted off to sleep from there.

This morning the flood gates opened for H, it seems. His alarm went off at 5:30, he sat up on the side of the bed, and I scooted over to hug him, tell him good morning and rub his back. he acted this time like the back rub is the best thing that ever happened to him, and didnt rush off. He sat there quietly while I rubbed his back and then commented "well, we're still together in spite of Satan's best efforts" I asked "do you think it's Satan? and he said I'm not sure, but it seems like it". I found that interesting because both my mother and my MIL, one protestant and one catholic, have been saying exactly the same thing. Then H said "I guess we don't crumble easily"...As the morning went on H was very loving and hugged me a lot, and in the discussion told me he had tried to end things nicely but it had to get to the hateful point for it to end, and it was there now.
H said that he used to think I was tough on him, but now he knew what tough on him really was. he said he realizes I take good care of him, that I'm a much nicer person than she is and he told her that and that he wasnt going to live his life going through that hell (which is weird because that's what he used to tell me). He said she was moody and angry and upset all the time, about everything, and chewing him out constantly, and part of it is because of her "game", that it's partly financial (I told him so!!!!but resisted saying that). that she wants someone there because financially things are really rough, especially now since she doesnt get child support in the summer, that she was "really trying to get her hooks in and loosing her patience wanting someone there now" and was saying "well you'll be paying...."and he was saying "no, I don't think so"
He said he came to realize from all this what her game plan was, and that we had a much better and happier relationship. I said "maybe I should send her a thank-you note for that, and he said "I think the points wouldnt be understood"....we were talking that we had both learned valuable lessons from this, namely how important we really are to each other and how important it is not to take each other, our R and our family for granted, and how good things really have always been between us. H said he felt like he would be a much better therapist now, and I had to say I feel like I will be a better teacher.

H did talk about how he feels really bad for her D, because all she wants is some stability in her life, and she has never been in a school more than 1 year and never knows where she will be from one weekend to the next, and how that lack of stability causes such problems. Another I told you so I didn't say....
An interesting thing H said was that at S's religion class, OW had been trying to talk to S and S told her to "stay away from my family and stop making trouble for us" and "that really upset her". H was proud of S for having the guts to speak up and thought he was exactly right. S is very quiet, so that seemed uncharacteristic. I asked S and he said he never said anything to her although he wanted to....so, I am pretty sure OW was even saying that S was saying "mean" things to her to try to drive a wedge between H and his son, and that backfired big time.

So, I finally do feel confident that it is over....and if H goes to confession tomorrow, that will help. he takes these things seriously.

I can see so clearly now how important it was for me to drop the rope so that their R had a chance to implode....as long as I was involved and trying to control the situation, it took H's focus from what she was really like and put it on needing to defend/protect her. Only when I "let go" did he get a chance to see her true colors. and they came out big time, in neon.

But, I was EXACTLY right about her motivations.....poor H, he is such a sucker, he couldnt see it for the longest time, it must really hurt to finally see that someone you thought was so much in love with you was using you to get material gains. oh, my how sad. how terribly sad.

Well, I'm off work, going to run by the store, go home and fix lunch, look for an opportunity to ML, and enjoy the weekend. H says he's not going to the "office" this weekend Maybe I'LL start an A this weekend, with him!
Hopefully the AC repairman will be there soon, one things for sure, that's an easier fix-it project!

been around awhile!